The Way It Is
by William Stafford
There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.
Looking through old photos this week. I came across this one. On the way home from a camping trip in 1991 with a friend, we stopped at a roadside vineyard somewhere in the central valley of California to cut some grapes and raisins off the vine.
Everything in the past seems soft and unfocused like the old photos that represent those periods. I was glad recently that I hadn’t thrown them ALL out in my last slash and burn campaign of decluttering. Thankfully I was too lazy to climb up to the tippy top of the closet and take down the albums. So I’m doing it now, but not to throw, to excavate.
I’m looking for photos of Bobi, one of my dear ones. We were in our 20’s when we met. Now 34 years later we have been given the gift of a long goodbye.
I’m heading back to Santa Cruz soon, back to Bobi. It’s all I think about. She’s in hospice and we’ve been sharing a very long and tender goodbye. In the summer I rented a tiny cottage across from the beach and we had planned to sit outside and listen to the surf, watch the sun set, cook in the small kitchen in December. But new things have unfolded. Things you can’t anticipate or time. What can we do, but hold onto the thread and keep breathing.
So here I am. Gone quiet these last months. Processing, writing, looking at clouds, and the moon, now a crescent, that peeks in my morning window. And the leaves in December are like jewels.
I was in Santa Barbara and Santa Cruz in November. A driving meditation in this vast and beautiful state that is my home. Driving towards Bobi. Driving home.
On the road I think of all the trips I’ve taken in the last decades to see Bobi. I think of our long lunches in the basement cafeteria when we both worked together. We would bring our dream journals and read poems and eat.
How long a life is and how many chapters it has. It was like we were building a great bonfire together with our dreams and stories and poems. A fire that warmed us and continues to warm us with its heat and light.
And now she is leaving. Getting on her little boat for a final journey to the far shore. Where she will drift under a black sky pierced with silver constellations. Orion, Perseus, Cassiopia guiding her like they did the ancient navigators long ago. I think of her there in her small vessel moving further and further away from mine, which for now is close to this shore. Soon she will be out of sight in the dark waters. But the thread, the thread is still connecting us. It is silver like starlight and moonlight and fireflies.
At night when I go to bed, I step out into the patio and turn my face up to the sky. It’s such a wonder that dark dome. How brilliant and alive it is.
I think of her under that beautiful sky that has comforted me my whole life. These gifts that the world gives us that are beyond conceptual stories and thought. Calling us into the deep present where everything that is real and true lives.
But for now my Bobi is still here. Right here in the land of the living.
When my thoughts have quieted and I am perceiving the natural world with my senses, the thread that connects us quivers. It tugs at my hand and I feel gladness.
Oh me, oh life! And the great sorrows and wonders that bind us together. I continue my long quiet journey deeper into the heart of December and my long winter break. Do keep me updated on your own journeys I love hearing from you out there in the bright world.
What a gorgeous meditation. Peace to you and Bobi. xo
oh my dear Mary Ann … sending love, hugs and strength across the bay to you and Bobi …. ❤️
I love you, AT2 – how you luxuriate in beauty, color, tenderness, cats, skies, dear friends, the sea, Moss Cottage, driving, creating, sharing. Bless you as you say the final goodbye to Bobi – knowing the thread will always connect you . . .Love always, AT1
Mary Ann…this was an achingly beautiful post & tribute to your love and friendship with Bobi. Your words had me teary-eyed thinking about the vast oceans of love we are capable of and how we, as humans, are so often unaware that we are more than flesh & blood. We are spiritual beings that never end….we just move on to another “sky”, still linked by the threads to all we have loved.
Thank you for sharing this painful but familiar journey with me. I pray that Bobi will be able to softly & gently push out from the shore when the time comes….with a heart FULL of all the love she has known & shared.
Thinking of you as you navigate this journey from your own perspective too…..sending out Love, Light & comfort to you <3
What to say? I don’t have a clue, you’ve said it all so beautifully. But wanted to let you know that, sitting on the couch here in the little cottage by the ocean, sunlight streaming in, that I hear you, think of you often when I’m here in Carp, and wish you peace, grace, and even joy in the unfolding of this journey.
You are a magical wordsmith Mary Ann – thank you for sharing – sending love & light across the pond 🙏🏼💚🌻
Your words are so beautiful, I can feel your love and sadness. Your friend is very lucky to be loved by such a beautiful soul as yourself. Much love and hugs to you from across the planet. Xxx
Thank you for sharing your journey.
what a lovely gift of a long goodbye…such a tender time..i wish you peace and your friend a smooth journey
Dearest MAM, your post is so beautiful, it has brought tears to my eyes.
When I look at the stars, it amazes me that they’re the same stars that Galileo saw, that my great-grandparents saw, that those who come after me will see. I know there is something out there, greater than us. As Shakespeare said, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Thank you for all you write, all you paint, and for all you are. XOXO
Very poignant, as my dear dear friend has now floated out of sight. Mary
Peace to Bobi.
Peace to you.
Peace to the whole world, universe, cosmos, and beyond.
Thank you for sharing your profound, loving, difficult words with us, your fellow travelers.
Your eloquent words move me. I get lost for a moment and I wished I were reading a book that wasn’t ending. What a lovely friendship between you and Bobi.
I hope you have a delightful holiday Mary Ann. The years of joy you have given me through your art journals, online classes and blog has been tremendous.
I will keep reading your blog posts as long as they arrive.
💕 Diana
Once again, a rare gift is unearthed among the flotsam and jetsam that clog my Inbox. How can my heart feel joy as you write so eloquently about a pending loss? I have lost many of my own dear ones and a long goodbye is much better than a sudden snatching away. It affords us so many opportunities. So glad you’re taking advantage of them all, and that Bobi has been loved well, by you.
So sorry for your loss, Marianne.
So beautiful. I lost my dear mother last November and this spoke to my heart.
Thank you so much for sharing. Sending out peaceful thoughts for you both.
MaryAnn once again your words weave magical threads into poetic landscapes!
I’m perched in an ancient Venetian apartment … your words have inspired me to pick up my pens n pencils… Grazie dear one!
A beautiful send off to your creative friend.. you’ve added such aesthetic charm to her life…. And ours!
You are a compassionate, soulful writer Mary Ann. Your words come straight from your overflowing heart, and pour over your readers… lucky us. May all you’ve shared here, the sentiment and love you have for your dear friend surround her as she transitions on her journey ❤️
There are no words…
You, Mary Ann, poetically described the art of dying with tenderness and love. What a beautiful friendship you women have had over time. I wish I were with you to give you the hug I long to give you in support and love. I hope your heart heals as you traverse the rest of your life journey without Bobbi.
I love you, Mary Ann.💔
So beautifully written. So poetically heartfelt. Thank you for sharing your friend-ship with us. When my brother was in hospice I went outside everynight and looked up at the stars and felt so connected to him. Must the silvery thread that connected us. We are stardust after all. Safe journeys my friend.
So sorry to hear of the long goodbye with your long-time friend. I too have been losing old-time friends right and left, some with long goodbyes and some short, gone instantly in a car accident or a chemo overdose/allergy. Being present with whoever you are with is the best gift you can offer anyone. I hope that you feel held by those around you as you go through the long goodbyes.
Oh, my heart… Your words and feelings are incredibly deep, loving and so introspective. May you have wonderful hours together during your next visit. ❤️
I spent quite a bit of time with Bobi online after you shared her gofundme. No doubt why you love her. I hope for the happiest, most seamless of transitions for her and for you I hope for grace and solace. You shall meet again, I believe.
A beautiful piece about a hard subject.
Oh this topic… Whether it’s pets or people, I don’t think there is an easy way to deal. I don’t think as a society that we accept death like we should, but this is a powerful start. So honored by you for not only bravely facing this big and hard and beautiful part of life but also being able to see the many sides and angles also that are so worthy of seeing and of speaking. Bobi is lucky. If I have one person who feels this way about me in the end, I will feel rich. ❤️
Such a good combination of beauty in photos and in relationship/friendship.
You’ve captured the essence of where so many of find ourselves with beautiful and poignant words. Thank you.
Oh my. Sigh.
What a lovely reflection on your friendship. I’m glad you have had each other through long lives of exploring and sharing. I hope you can share some peace together during this journey.
I’m so sorry to hear about the looming loss of your dear Bobi.
I can’t help but notice that as time goes by, more and more of my friends are no longer here. We used to get together at the holidays–at first, a couple had simply moved away; but now some have passed on; one close friend has lost her memory and no longer recognizes those of us who love her; and with a couple of that group, we’ve simply lost contact. This year, I’m not even decorating–it would be a lonely gathering.
I’m sure Bobi appreciates your visits–you warm her heart.
Kristi
dear heart,
you do not walk alone. You and Bobbi will never part.
that is the good news and some days the only good news.
just keep on breathing, that’s the only thing you need to do.
Your friend,
Pennie
We are all getting near that exit door. So nice to have someone hold it open for you. Especially when you have shared so much together.
Thinking of you❤️❤️❤️
Oh dear heart, I am so sorry you are losing, but in some ways finding your friend. No doubt her life has been blessed by your dear devoted friendship. It’s so alive, as are you. I wish you both peace and comfort. Xo
Mary Ann, this is so beautiful. I am crying. I have been on that same journey but I can’t write as beautifully as you. Enjoy all the moments with your friend Bobi.
I sat here thinking and trying to find the word s. I couldn’t find them, then I read the comments which I rarely do.
Hmm I see Judy Wise has taken them all out of my mouth. She is aptly named.
You’re a remarkable woman Mary Ann Moss. So is your sister Carol. I thank your parents for this and both of you.
❤️
Thank you for so thoughtfully putting into words something we all must go through, either as those drifting away or those watching small boats. Here’s to finding solace amongst nature, one of my truest companions.
I feel what you have written all through my body. I have watched many loves drift away in their little boats now. Parts of them always stay with me. That is a great comfort. Sending my love to you dear Mary Anne, and thanking you for all the deliciousness and tenderness you bring. I will remember this beautiful analogy.
Thank you for sharing such a personal reflection and I wish for a peaceful journey for your Bobi and for peace and comfort in your sweet memories for you Mary Ann
just hugs….
life is so beautiful and painful and amazing. I love what you have shared here and always ♥️