Hello, faithful readers. I sit here on a cold February morn to type out this missive to you — a post-Valentine’s message. I picture you on the other end of these words, landing like little smoke signals from my world into your digital mailboxes.
I’m up to my usual tricks: printing and cutting tiny photos to paste into my writing journal. The doves above were painted by my friend Sheila. Aren’t they marvelous? She feeds them each morning as they land on her window ledge in cold, wintery Madrid.
Jo and Mark visited for an art playdate earlier this month, and Jo and I had a hilarious drive from my hood to Koreatown during the golden hour afterward. I look forward to more art playdates with both of them.
I visited the headlands of Mendocino at the end of January. How wild and lovely that landscape is, and how good it felt to walk beside that ferocious Pacific with no one else around.
I imagined traveling more in retirement, but I’ve only made a few small trips — mostly because of worry about the fur people. Thankfully, at the height of my cat anxiety, I received a transmission that felt like magic. An old, reliable cat sitter I thought was lost to me forever returned and made contact. I had written these words in my journal a few days before: “Something may yet present itself. Stay open.” Evidence of magic or delusion, I cannot say, but I’m going with magic.
Thusly, I booked a long hoped-for return to Paris with my sister. We’ll be staying in the Batignolles district in the 17th arr. for a week and then heading south to Fontainebleau for a few days. Going somewhere for an extended stay that is usually considered a day trip from Paris feels right to me. It also feels right to return to a city where I’ve been three times before — to the parks and streets that inspire me. To the Parisian buses that I love. I love the metro too, but the buses, with their comfortable seats and giant windows offering expansive views of Paris, thrill me.
I know not everyone has the ease or safety that allows for such travel — safety from ICE agents and kidnappers, and, so far, from serious illness and disease. There is much suffering in our world. I see it and carry it with me, even as I allow myself moments of joy and wonder, learning again and again how to hold both.
I have a couple of new sketchbook fliporamas over on the Substack. They’re one-take wonders where I hem and haw about art-making and life.
Thanks for tuning in, friends. Leave some connecting words if you wish, and let me know how you’re doing, what you’re making, where you’re going, what you’re cooking, and who you’re reading. A curious retiree in the City of Angels wants to know.
And finally, I share a poem that I found to be rich. I’ve emphasized the lines I had to write in my journal for their sheer beauty.
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
“Live in the layers,
not on the litter.”
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter in my book of transformations is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
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How lovely to get your smoke signals. We are hunkered down for the last of the rain. A 70 mph gust tore through our neighborhood on Monday — I thought it was going to pick up my little studio and I would be sailing through the air like Dorothy. Scary. Glad to hear you are traveling. I have a 3 week trip to Amsterdam, cruise along the Rhine and Switzerland scheduled for next month. All due to the generosity of a good friend. Taking an oil painting class at the community college and working on my masterpieces. Patiently waiting for you to release a new class. Sigh.
Love Kunitz. Here are some of my favorite few lines:
What the poet does
Every afternoon I sit at my table and write
For the last few days,
in the evening,
at six pm. sharp
the sun strides into my living room
pulls up a chair
and just looks at me,
without speaking.
I look up
pack up my words
and venture out
into the world.
I just finished reading The Correspondent. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend.
Hi
Mary Anne, Well, I was almost done with a comment, when it totally disappeared. I will stay calm, hopefully ” living in a layer ” that will be kinder to me for a few moments! I look forward to and appreciate everything I see that you share with us! Since you are interested in what we’re reading now, I will mention two books I am patiently waiting for on my hold list at our library; I have been waiting a long time……think I was 150 on the book My Friends by Fredrik Bockman. The Other book I’m so looking forward to is Theo of Golden by Levi Allen. Perhaps my long wait on my Hold List is like a layer in itself……having the patience to wait, accepting what is.
Oh My God. I have never read that poem. How ,oh how, have I missed it? What a great gift to us Mary Ann. Merci beaucoup.
I too love Paris. It is my favorite city. I am so glad that a fur people sitter arrived to make this return possible for you.
:Fliporama” … :))))))))))))
Nancy Jane
Wisconsin – formerly of Kansas
How do I send you the book cover??
Should I just post it on my Instagram?
Hello fellow happy retiree!!
I am excited for you and Sister and your Paris travel plans. I have a dream, but for now my sweet husband has my attention.
I am going to try to send you a dark gouache portrait I did of a book cover. I used deep moody colors and was very happy with the results. I learned from you the joy of painting book covers.
I converted to being a cat mama in recent years. “Dusty” is tortoise shell cuddler. She is 14 lbs of companionship.
Be watching for my attachment. I did a companion page with some creative writing too.
Oh, Mary Ann, I knew we were soul sisters! Stanley Kunitz is one of my all-time favorite poets. I still keep a typewritten transcription of “The Science of The Night” near my bedside, as I have done for 40-plus years. But “The Layers” may need to be added beside it now. It’s moving, especially at this stage in life. Perhaps I wouldn’t have understood it 40 years ago. And an awkward segway, but we are also on the move. By next week we will be under the home skies of the Central Coast of CA. So it’s onto the next book of my own transformation; the return home. I hope France proves beautiful and inspiring and a combination of old familiarity and new adventures! Exciting, and I get that it’s SO good to know our furry friends are cared for when we travel far away. That was a nice synchronicity for you!
Hello! I am planning a trip to Japan in 2027, assuming that the world will still allow us to do that then. By the time my niece and I go, I will be 70 – horrors! And with any luck at all, I want to head back to the Czech Republic sometime this year. I feel the same way about Prague that you feel about Paris. And yes, we are so lucky that we can still travel with minimal worries so far. Wish everyone else could do the same.
Just bought my first set of artist’s gouache so at least can lose myself in that. I’m about ready to give up most social media. Between the ads and the political commentary and AI, it’s exhausting.
Have fun in Paris!
That poem is beautiful Mary Ann. Thanks for sharing!
Happy travels to Paris! Ah to dream of such a trip…that’s where it starts, after all! Hoping to tuck into your painting groups soon. As a retired elementary school teacher, I am a wanna-be ‘beginner’ with your merry band of artists….love reading about your exploits!