Middle-aged mammals, I find myself drifting in a vast ocean. My vessel is not taking on water, but the rudder is uncooperative. Before I fall asleep each night under the stars, I have planned my course and set my tiny boat towards the distant shore. In other words gotten my thinking about the Village of Retirement in some semblance of order. Yet each morning on awakening, in a foggy wind-swept sea I find I have drifted off course. Wait, what? Since my late 20’s I have had summers off, but now as I embark on my journey of retirement I’m looking at not 60 days off, but 30 years. How can this be? What to make of it?
I will sit here on the couch with my book and stare out the window in between turning pages. The answer is out there in the trees.
I bought a Swiffer duster and cleaned the tops of the door and window frames. And I’m not ashamed to admit it was the very first time I ever did it. I put a new garbage disposal seal in the sink and was shocked at what I found underneath the old one. I discovered dust bunnies the size of basketballs under a dresser in the bedroom and sucked them into the pet hair eraser. Chores seem to be my new work.
So all this is to say there’s a lot I don’t know about how I will spend the next 30 years or so, I mean aside from doing more chores. I’m still trying to grasp the fact that in 4 days I will not be going into school to set up my classroom. I will not be stepping into a maelstrom of hyperactivity and managing 30 young homo sapiens.
I suppose I will adjust eventually to the slowed pace of life. Due to my natural slothful nature, I’m sure I will take to it in time. I do look forward to spending more time with my people now that I’m not a working stiff. Pam came for an extended visit and it was marvelous. In the fall I’ll go to Virginia to see my brother. In a couple of weeks (once school has started for everyone else) I’m off to a cabin in the redwoods a friend has “lent” me. I will not be visiting France until 2026 and I probably won’t relocate there. For now, my dear old house is my anchor.
Life is not the same as it once was. It is v.v.v.v. different. The bliss hits arrive when I realize I will not return to the classroom, and more importantly faculty meetings – the bane of my existence since my 30’s. I am my own master and commander. The uncertainty arrives when I consider how small my boat is and how large the sea -it goes on forever with no land in sight.
I try not to escape my rudderless situation with digital distractions. I try and sit here and be inside of all of it, but on many days I fail. Thusly I go forward in a floating world as we all do. Making our way with so much uncertainty.
Except I’m certain about one thing: I love public libraries, and I’ve been visiting quite a few this summer!
I like and need to make pictures. Whatever the outcome, I know that every mark has value. I am glad of that. It is a direction I wish to move towards. – reading, writing, walking, being outside, tidying my nest, drawing. The no-plan plan. Letting it be okay to drift, to float on my back, to tread water, to see no further ahead than the headlights on a dark road.
A new way of living is underfoot. And I haven’t got a clue what’s in store.
Do inform me of how you’re spending your one wild and precious life. Someone in the city of angels with lots of time on her hands needs to know.
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You will adjust. I remember in the beginning it was tough and strange. Teaching was my identity. Now I am really good at retirement. I still volunteer at my last school. I help out a friend by teaching about artists and doing art projects with her class. I don’t have a regular schedule…I just text to ask if she has any free time that week. Fun for me and I don’t have to do the rest of what goes along with teaching. I can hear the school bells from my house when I am in my garden and I just smile.
This is beautiful.. thank you for sharing
Delightful. 😀 I wish I was there. 😉
It takes time to forget you are retired, but at some point it becomes the new norm. The ebb and flow of life takes over. New responsibilities (short or long-term) appear and then resolve. It’s the “free time” that befuddles me most often. So I work to have some regular structure and enough free time for my creative ventures (art, organizing, food shopping, etc.). I’ve surrendered to the reality that I will get in online and check social media, etc., so I don’t beat myself up about it. I just enjoy the limited time I’m on it and then move away from it. I look forward to reading your Dispatches and always look through my inbox to make sure I haven’t missed any. Looking forward to reading about what you’re up and thinking about. Thanks for sharing with us. It really is a comfort for me.
Thanks so much Bev, don’t worry about the extra comments you accidentally posted. I deleted them for you. Appreciate hearing about how it’s going for you. I just registered for a whole slew of classes in the pool. I love to be in water so thrilled about this addition to my day. xo
Have courage! Maybe you’ll discover, as I have, that I was made for retirement! I thought I loved teaching art when I was doing it — but the fact that I have never –not even once! in the 21 years I’ve been retired — have I ever wished I was back in the classroom. And I’ve come to realize that I didn’t love teaching art. I’m a naturally positive person, so I put the best face on it that I could: it provided a steady (though small) income and medical insurance for our little family. But it deprived me of the time and energy to do my own art. Retirement has given me both, and studio time floats my boat!
I think you’ll know that you are where you belong when you hear the first school bus drive by and are instantly and fully filled with joy that it has absolutely no impact on your life anymore. Freedom! You’ve earned it. Enjoy it!
Best wishes !
Sandy I’m with you. I can’t imagine myself ever wishing I were back in the classroom. I made the best of it and found a lot of treasure in unexpected places, but my introverted nature had great difficulty with the constant noise, disruption, and talking – especially from the adults at meetings. LOL. I can’t tell you how happy and grateful I feel to be DONE with it. Such a relief. I still can’t comprehend the monthly pension check that has been deposited 2x into my bank account so far. It’s just not computing that I made it. I’m done.
I’m guessing your retirement look will change over time as mine did when I left the public schools. Your little boat might drift in the current of deferred maintenance for a while, then get caught in a small eddy of volunteer work, and catch another current of online art classes and maybe drift along in a period of I Got Nothing Done. It’s all good. I’m currently in a post it note on my mirror phase with one chore for each day (Thursdays I make myself leave the house and reach out to a friend). I landed in this phase because I was losing track of time, my towels were getting sour and my plants were either thirsty or got gnats from overwatering. I do better with a bit of a routine and I don’t think it’s particularly good for me to go days without speaking to another soul. You’ll get your rhythm and adjust as necessary. You don’t need a grand plan.
you could always come up with a new class for us, your devoted fans and followers…
I retired from teaching 5 years ago, and it’s been a process for certain. A great interesting process. I don’t worry about 5 years from now or even a week from now. Life seems to fill itself in. But it took me awhile to get here, and I’m sure I’m still in the process. Celebrate that you don’t have to go back to school. It’s so exciting. (And I still celebrate even after these 5 years)
hello Mary Ann! we look forward to retirement (most people?), but it can be stranger than we thought. being a self employed textile artist, my plan was to retire slowly. then covid! i missed too much income, yadayada. now, i feel fortunate to be semi-retired and seems like the best scenario for me. my life is my creativity, and my friends are in that mix. still! the mindset must change as the constant work work work can slow down and i feel so ‘unstructured’. then my discipline has to kick in!
if you haven’t heard of Gabrielle Garland, she’s an artist i just learned of. i think you would love her houses. they reminded me of you.
i also recommended the show McDonald and Dodds to you (long time ago). it’s a detective series set in Bath and the cinematography is magical. now that you’re retired, you might have time to ck it out.
like most of your fans here, i love your posts! take care and keep art-ing.
Hubby and I have been retired for several years now (we’re 78). There was a period of adjustment. For us, an opportunity to be active volunteers in our small city’s improvements (park development, native plants, artwork, & politics, etc.) worked for us. We met many new neighbors who became friends (all ages), and saw our city improve along the way. We’ve traveled. We putter. We can set our own boundaries and timetables. We’re now dialing it back a bit, since, as you know, it’s easy to get caught back up in being too busy & stressed all over again! Best wishes as you navigate this time in your life! You are already one who delights in various types of adventures, so you will be lightyears ahead of some of us in figuring out what your next adventures will consist of. Enjoy! And we will continue to enjoy reading about your daily doings! 🙂
When you’re ready I enjoy going to a regular Silver Sneakers early morning exercise class twice a week. The hour of movement and chatting before and after has been rewarding. I don’t often feel like going but I tell myself I’m doing it for “future Laura”. I know she’ll be glad when she can get up off the toilet 😂
Ms Ma’am, to me, it sounds like you are allowing yourself some grace as you sink into retirement . I laughed at the swiffer and dust bunny comments as I acknowledged my current cleaning frenzy in preparation for total knee replacement surgery. Here I was thinking thaat this time would give me a trial run of how life might look if I could choose not to return to work in the fall. But alas, so far only pain and PT. I know that this too will pass and I will be given a chance to indulge in some art play, reading (I have a pile of books already), and so on. You have set a wounderful course for yourself. Enjoy every moment!!!
Oh, floods of nostalgia, born and raised in Pasadena, and one of my first favorite memories is my dad taking me down to the Hill Avenue Branch Library. I’m 78 now but still remember the excitement of the excursions. And the treasures we brought home for a bit. And the responsibility we developed to get them back on time so we didn’t have to pay a fine. And then the sense of accomplishment when we made it out of kids’ section and over to the “big” stacks. Thanks for getting my day off to a happy start!
Wow, I didn’t know you have a brother! I don’t recall you mentioning him before. A visit sounds nice.
My mom said that for her, developing a daily routine in retirement really helped her. Otherwise, she just kinda floated around.
Our students will be returning in less than three weeks, so I’m enjoying the peace and quiet at work. Finally, we’re having more temperate weather (low to mid 80s, no humidity), as opposed to the hellish stuff we’ve had for most of this summer.
Take care. XOXO
You’re in the honeymoon period. Make the most of these best years. Aging happens eventually so do the physically demanding things now while it still feels easy. I’m 77 and the last year I’m feeling age creeping up on me. However my creative life still is the mainstay and that is lovely!
I wish you all the best in this new phase🥰🙌🏻
So far…At all ages and stages the magic and mystery of wondering “what is next??!!” And knowing “the best is yet to come” philosophies work for me… life takes care of itself while we are busy making plans down here in the hive😉
Here is how I found my rudder. Every morning, I write two lists: One is a list of 3 things that brought me joy the previous day. The second is a list of 3 things I’m looking forward to that day. The first list gives me valuable information about what makes me happy so I try to do more of those things. The second makes me make plans so I have something to write on the list. If there aren’t three things planned, I must come up with something to look forward to-even if it’s a delicious cup of coffee & good book. This practice has completely changed my life.
Good for you that you can remember what happened yesterday!
I think it’s totally OK and maybe even recommended to be rudderless for a while. I like this guy’s YouTube channel because he looks at retirement planning holistically, not just about finances. Today’s video seemed to be talking to you!
Dear Mary Ann,
Sounds to me like you’re right on track. Our routines in work years were developed over just that, years… So don’t fret, you have much time to develop your new routines. I think your decision not to leave your home for now is wise. Just as when my husband died, people told me, don’t make a big decision especially moving for at least a year. I think the is a good rule of thumb after any huge life disruption. Even though retiring is a positive thing, it is still a major life change. You have time to make that decision. Right now, without other things being similar, your home of many years can at least provide something well known to you.
Chores that we never had time to do during working time seem like they’re important when you have the time to actually sit and look at them. I didn’t have time to see the dust bunnies when I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I read a ton the first months after retirement. I love to read. Sometimes I read a whole book in 24 hours… Do what you want Mary Ann! It will all come along. Take pleasure from all those things that give you pleasure. You have earned it.
MaryAnn,
We were convinced we would never enter a retirement community. We are private and hate gossip & bragging rights.
That said, we needed a one floor cottage dwelling. We found it, it does have gossip & annoying people, BUT there are
benefits that outweigh our complaints. Here’s our advice:
watch out for HOA or monthly fees which WILL increase. Read contracts very carefully & consider getting Legal advice in advance.
Downsizing is frightening, BUT it is an unbelievable joy to only have 3/5 rooms to look in for a ‘missing object’. Get amazing storage systems in your new closets.
You love to walk, so find a community with access to many parks/seawalks/forests/grass, 10 miles or less of a drive from your new home
Art classes, Museums or Community College Education for inspiration.
If you enjoy cooking, having access to Farmers’ Markets is a plus.
Determine what your medical/dental needs are in advance….here on the East Coast, there is a massive shortage of primary health care
practioners. We didn’t move far, just 10 miles so we already had our team of health professionals. So many newcomers struggle to get medical care…..OR they need to pay for Concergie Medical Care, $10-12,000. per person per month. (remember I live near your brother). I cannot believe how long we have to wait for procedures or tests. We live in a state with many medical schools, NP/PA Programs, etc. Medical professionals are retiring early or vastly limiting their hours. Less than six months in our new home we both had major health-care surgeries/recovery. We were fit, in great health, but…who knows what happened.
the ability to cope with an ’emergency’, weather-related, or other chaos….a community or county with top notch professionals is very important.
a grocery & drug store(s) you enjoy visiting & won’t go out of business.
access to an international airport & tons of nearby destinations less than a four drive.
Hope this helps. Holly
Great tips Holly, thank you. I’m staying put in my tiny house for the time being. Sorry about your unexpected health issues. Your good health probably helped a lot in the recovery process. xo
Hello Mary Ann, I can so relate to your situation! After 29 years in Special Ed, I retired at 65. I am a person who lives to create and spent my working years longing for more free time. I was ecstatic and floundering at the same time. Surprised me! Maybe too much free time or maybe time with no boundaries. I got so much less done with more free time than I did while working! No time limits wasn’t quite working. For me a part time job in a totally different environment (deli) was the answer. Still have a lot of free time but not endless, the job is not school stressful…I don’t worry all night about my egg salad sandwiches as I did about my students from terrible homes! I’m also out with other humans a couple days a week which makes me savor my quiet days at home! Now my quilting and art journaling and knitting are rewards on my days off and I’m back! You will find your way in time and no matter what, it’s better than what we did for so many years!!! Very Sincerely, Jill
Hi Jill and thanks for your note. As a former teacher you understand how good it is to be out of such a stressful classroom environment, but the sudden drop into nothingness is discombobulating. Finding my footing will take some time. Have an egg salad sandwich for me!
Oh my, your comments could have been written by me years ago when I retired. Adjusting to new freedoms is a process that isn’t as easy as you would think. I think I spent almost a year to find peace and balance while accommodating all my interests and taking care of myself. I think I was overwhelmed by all the possibilities before me and it took time to sort through things and prioritize. With ADHD I was all over the place. Be kind to yourself and do you as you chart your course. Sending blessings and a hug.
Aww much thanks to you Suzette. I will find my sea legs yet.
For me, I am adjusting to the weird place this country has become. Things I thought were predictable no longer are, which is a strange feeling, since I’ve spent six decades assuming most of our nation’s leaders were reluctant, if not enthusiastic, protectors of the rules we drew up as a nation a couple of hundred years ago. Everything is now on the table now for revision or destruction — everything. So I think for now, when not being an activist, sitting and quietly looking out a window is a good way of taking time to reflect and ground oneself. I think to be newly retired on top of what’s already a topsy-turvy time might be a lot of change to take in. Blissful moments, yes, but without full-time work there are definitely less distractions and noise, which can sometimes be a help in difficult times. Even the most annoying faculty meeting might be less painful than the nightly news is now, and THAT is saying something lol!
Enjoy it now. Soon enough you’ll be so busy you won’t know how you had time for work. Trust me.
Retirement does take some getting used to. After a year my husband and I said to each other, how did we ever have time to work 50+ hours a week? You will fill your time. I found even in retirement you have to make the time to do the things you want to do, not just the chores which seem never ending. Some people find it good to have a regimen like washing the sheets on Monday, the towels on Tuesday and the clothes whenever it is needed. If you havenʻt found plein air or urban sketching groups in your area, you might want to look for them. They offer outings to places you might not have thought to go to yourself and it is fun to meet new people who have the same affinity to painting or drawing on a regular basis. After 18 years of retirement (I retired when I was 53), I still have not developed a habit of painting every day which is something I keep saying I want to do. I do spend too much time on social media every day so donʻt fall into that rabbit hole.
Loss of rudder… rudderless was exactly how I felt the first year of my “retirement” from being a creative director in corporations and ad agencies. No deadlines! No pressure! No meetings! No 5am alarm clock! No commute! WOW! NOW WHAT?
So… I just kept going through my days, enjoying my relaxing! morning coffee outside at 6 am… while writing and painting in my journal… making lists of things I would like to do… and doing some of them… and yes… cleaning more, enjoying cooking more, gardening more, reading more, painting and drawing in the inbetween spaces. I planned fun things for Artist Dates and still do them, if not every week.
I followed my instincts and mental nudges and joined a Letter Writing Group where I met some wonderful women friends of like mind.
I joined a wonderful women’s gym, took classes, and met a really good friend whom I “play” with now. I joined some Zoom workshops on writing, journaling and art for inspiration and connection. Somewhere early on my husband had a stroke and I added caregiver to my list.
That gave some structure to my days (meals! driving to Dr appts, etc.) Now I teach small groups of women art and journaling. I make little book letters, and Zines, and Artist Trading Cards… I Zoom once a week and play with an art friend who lives 1500 miles away. It all evolved over time. Relax. Do what you love. Let things happen. Follow your instincts and listen to your intuition. PLAY! Enjoy the neighborhood, the beaches, the forests…
Good stuff Lynda. thanks for it all. I like what you say about how it “all evolved over time.”
I’ve been away from paying work for a number of years. I hadn’t intended to retire until 66, but our I.T. department was replaced by cheaper labor imported from overseas, and at 55 I ended up not going back to work. I do feel I’ve wasted lots of time–my husband told me I needed “routines”. He’s right, but I never did develop them. I did some traveling and I cleared out and organized my “sewing room” which had become more of a storage room. I eventually ended up signing up for several classes though our local older adult programs–watercolor, drawing, calligraphy, and recently, exercise classes (via Zoom)—I want to be healthy in my old age and even with daily dog walks/hikes I was still stiff. I started volunteering for a southern California art non-profit, but with the pandemic, that has ballooned into a huge job and I don’t get to my own art. So, I’ve given notice that I’ll “retire” from that at the end of the year. Like you, I’m looking forward to having time for what’s important and I think I’ll take a more serious stab at developing those routines!
A 2nd retirement sounds good Kristi. I think we are hardwired to stay “busy” and be “productive”, but that can be an escape route also and keep us from the here and now. I’m with you on being healthy – I’ve started doing some weight workouts and H.I.I.T. training on hills every other day. Feels good to amp up my regular morning walking.
Dear Mary Ann. I retired Dec 2023, and it’s been an adjustment not to need to be productive. I’m adjusted now. I’m in 3 book clubs. I do pilates and yoga, where I have found a community of people who ‘know my name.’ I go to movies and plays, and concerts. And I try not to spend too much time staring out the window…
happy retirement Jane!
Same here. No direction, no need for a plan of any kind. The journal and sketchbook are my guides; the voice that writes words each morning is wiser and kinder than some other parts of me. That voice tells me there is no place better than here, no time better than now. I love the drift. And my sketchbook. The only thing that occurs to me is maybe making videos and starting a you tube channel. Give it all away to whoever wants it. But so far I’m too unfocused to get that together so I just practice it in my imagination. Love your posts dear MA. xo
Ahhhhh my dear fellow floater, my Judy. Not looking for lists or activities to fill the time or schedules or ideas on what to DO. I want to BE here. Right here where I am in the vast ocean in uncharted waters. What’s that over there? I think I felt the fin of a dolphin pass under me. There’s a giant sea turtle! Start that YouTube channel sweetheart, and I’ll be there for it.
I completely get that. I often chided myself for days when I accomplished “nothing” in retirement because as a former Worker Bee, it was ingrained to be “productive.” I have come to realize that our body, mind and soul need rest and contemplation as much as finishing stuff. And, fellow library lover, I am a member of 3 systems because of my location and I visit all 3 regularly. God bless libraries and Benjamin Franklin (among others).
I’m always look forward to your posts.
And I always look forward to your comments, Diane. Always thoughtful and kind.
Oh my dear rudderless friend – I know the feeling but take heart – you will find that the days fill with unexpected joy and new learning. I’m glad you love the public libraries. Read, rest, imagine. Floating sounds good. I am deep into the Forest of old age and my days are still interesting. Much love, AT 1
BTW. I love the painting of your house. I may have to start drawing again. You are so inspiring ❤️
Hello, my name is Jeff. eould like to introduce myself I’m aAfrican American professional abstract artist. I’ve been painting for over 45 years.In 2015 I had a stroke. I’m very fortunate I paint everyday. Would love to talk. I like you thanks Jeff.
A long time ago I found you on the internet. You were teaching about journal making. I made a few.
Well since I have all this free time now, I have found paper craft again and in May I started what the internet call a junk journal or glue book.
I find it totally relaxing and such a new learning experience. There are so many videos to look at and follow.
So that has been this year.
I retired last July and I sat for quite a while.
Before getting motivated.
It’s been 11 years since I retired. I vaguely recall my anxiety about not knowing my future. Now the days blend into each other. I do do a brief mental check each morning, “what day is it?” Then I get out of bed, make my coffee and get on with it. I was vvvv busy in my first years but have slowed down. You do. But days are full with painting, friends and a new form of life, slower and the wonder that I once did so much more and how did I manage that???
Speaking as one sloth-ish human to another, once i entered retirement, officially I was sort of gobsmacked by how quickly ‘the tidying up’ stuff took over. I decided at some point, to do one chore each day (always flexible if something else comes up) vacuum one day, dust one day, bathrooms another, you get the picture. And only our first floor really needs dedicated attention. Normal stuff like dishes and bed tending and such get done daily and pretty quickly for the most part. I prefer to do small loads of laundry over one big one since I have to trek to the basement, so that happens every day, even tho it’s just the 2 of us plus one small dog and one mini kitty (she is an old gal, of tiny stature but mighty none the less) And the hubs still works so….. anyway all to say, one dedicated chore a day gives me most of the day to do whatever I want and I don’t waste time stressing over perfection in being tidy. Long as I know it is clean is enough, perfection is never, ever the goal. Our home is definitely lived in. I have been rudder less for the most part, look forward to time with my book stack, art journaling and puttering about, and when I run errands for groceries or whatever I do everything in one trip so if I don’t have it and I’m not going to the store that day, it has to wait. I avoid this by buying one more of the things I know I need and go through quickly, some things rarely need replacing. Food is always stocked as needed so stuff is not wasted and meat only finds its way to my kitchen if I know I will use it that day or the next to avoid freezing it and I batch cook stuff that I know I can freeze or store for an extended period like my chili keeps a good long while when I jar it up and seal it and of course kept nice and chilly! So my lengthy tips on navigating the seas of retirement without a rudder. Trust me as I have not had one of those in years. I am a very good floater and it seems I tend to go in the right direction regardless. I think I must have born with a built in compass. Like little Woodstock (Charles Shultz’s) lil’ bird, looks silly as it flits about but always seems to get where it is going.
Warmly Susie in MN
My first year of retirement I went to my library and borrowed 2-3books a week. I would sketch bookcases in my sketchbook to keep track, but it was way too many. The second year of retirement I went to volunteer at my library…my way of giving back. Now I’ve been volunteering there for 10 years for our annual book fair coming up on Labor Day. We have approximately 60,000 books! I also take a clay class, more for the fun group it is than the clay which really isn’t my medium. I take 1 exercise class….should be more. And I spend way too much time on Facebook and Instagram! So many artists and not enough time! I follow Sandi Hester, from Nashville TN. She and her husband have relocated to Devon, England! Now I’m even more excited to see what she paints. Take your time, but keep on sharing!
Eileen
I retired 10 years ago, one month before my 60th birthday. I was all about domestic chores at first, but thankfully, that passed! You will get in your own groove before you know it. You have so many interests, and you live in a beautiful place. Enjoy the thrill of knowing you can do anything you want to do (including absolutely nothing) whenever you want to do it! It’s such a wonderful gift.
It takes awhile to lose the muscle memory of work-a-day life and to find your new flow. Be gentle with yourself. It always helps me to make a pie in the sky list and then start crossing off the absurd and undoable, the list changes but it helps me figure out what I really want and can achieve.
That’s exactly how I spent my first year of retirement –reading and drawing, drifting and listening, looking out the window, waiting for something to speak to me. Oh, and chores. I hope you enjoy the change!
Your no plan plan is the best I’ve seen, and I practice it myself! Only working two days a week makes my life soooo much better, and I draw just about every day, something I’ve longed to do for 30 years. Right now that’s all I need , to look at my yard and flowers and breathe and notice! You are still inspiring me and I always look forward to your posts and see where you’ll float next!