Middle-aged mammals, I find myself drifting in a vast ocean. My vessel is not taking on water, but the rudder is uncooperative. Before I fall asleep each night under the stars, I have planned my course and set my tiny boat towards the distant shore. In other words gotten my thinking about the Village of Retirement in some semblance of order. Yet each morning on awakening, in a foggy wind-swept sea I find I have drifted off course. Wait, what? Since my late 20’s I have had summers off, but now as I embark on my journey of retirement I’m looking at not 60 days off, but 30 years. How can this be? What to make of it?
I will sit here on the couch with my book and stare out the window in between turning pages. The answer is out there in the trees.
I bought a Swiffer duster and cleaned the tops of the door and window frames. And I’m not ashamed to admit it was the very first time I ever did it. I put a new garbage disposal seal in the sink and was shocked at what I found underneath the old one. I discovered dust bunnies the size of basketballs under a dresser in the bedroom and sucked them into the pet hair eraser. Chores seem to be my new work.
So all this is to say there’s a lot I don’t know about how I will spend the next 30 years or so, I mean aside from doing more chores. I’m still trying to grasp the fact that in 4 days I will not be going into school to set up my classroom. I will not be stepping into a maelstrom of hyperactivity and managing 30 young homo sapiens.
I suppose I will adjust eventually to the slowed pace of life. Due to my natural slothful nature, I’m sure I will take to it in time. I do look forward to spending more time with my people now that I’m not a working stiff. Pam came for an extended visit and it was marvelous. In the fall I’ll go to Virginia to see my brother. In a couple of weeks (once school has started for everyone else) I’m off to a cabin in the redwoods a friend has “lent” me. I will not be visiting France until 2026 and I probably won’t relocate there. For now, my dear old house is my anchor.
Life is not the same as it once was. It is v.v.v.v. different. The bliss hits arrive when I realize I will not return to the classroom, and more importantly faculty meetings – the bane of my existence since my 30’s. I am my own master and commander. The uncertainty arrives when I consider how small my boat is and how large the sea -it goes on forever with no land in sight.
I try not to escape my rudderless situation with digital distractions. I try and sit here and be inside of all of it, but on many days I fail. Thusly I go forward in a floating world as we all do. Making our way with so much uncertainty.
Except I’m certain about one thing: I love public libraries, and I’ve been visiting quite a few this summer!
I like and need to make pictures. Whatever the outcome, I know that every mark has value. I am glad of that. It is a direction I wish to move towards. – reading, writing, walking, being outside, tidying my nest, drawing. The no-plan plan. Letting it be okay to drift, to float on my back, to tread water, to see no further ahead than the headlights on a dark road.
A new way of living is underfoot. And I haven’t got a clue what’s in store.
Do inform me of how you’re spending your one wild and precious life. Someone in the city of angels with lots of time on her hands needs to know.
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Retirement does take some getting used to. After a year my husband and I said to each other, how did we ever have time to work 50+ hours a week? You will fill your time. I found even in retirement you have to make the time to do the things you want to do, not just the chores which seem never ending. Some people find it good to have a regimen like washing the sheets on Monday, the towels on Tuesday and the clothes whenever it is needed. If you havenʻt found plein air or urban sketching groups in your area, you might want to look for them. They offer outings to places you might not have thought to go to yourself and it is fun to meet new people who have the same affinity to painting or drawing on a regular basis. After 18 years of retirement (I retired when I was 53), I still have not developed a habit of painting every day which is something I keep saying I want to do. I do spend too much time on social media every day so donʻt fall into that rabbit hole.
Loss of rudder… rudderless was exactly how I felt the first year of my “retirement” from being a creative director in corporations and ad agencies. No deadlines! No pressure! No meetings! No 5am alarm clock! No commute! WOW! NOW WHAT?
So… I just kept going through my days, enjoying my relaxing! morning coffee outside at 6 am… while writing and painting in my journal… making lists of things I would like to do… and doing some of them… and yes… cleaning more, enjoying cooking more, gardening more, reading more, painting and drawing in the inbetween spaces. I planned fun things for Artist Dates and still do them, if not every week.
I followed my instincts and mental nudges and joined a Letter Writing Group where I met some wonderful women friends of like mind.
I joined a wonderful women’s gym, took classes, and met a really good friend whom I “play” with now. I joined some Zoom workshops on writing, journaling and art for inspiration and connection. Somewhere early on my husband had a stroke and I added caregiver to my list.
That gave some structure to my days (meals! driving to Dr appts, etc.) Now I teach small groups of women art and journaling. I make little book letters, and Zines, and Artist Trading Cards… I Zoom once a week and play with an art friend who lives 1500 miles away. It all evolved over time. Relax. Do what you love. Let things happen. Follow your instincts and listen to your intuition. PLAY! Enjoy the neighborhood, the beaches, the forests…
I’ve been away from paying work for a number of years. I hadn’t intended to retire until 66, but our I.T. department was replaced by cheaper labor imported from overseas, and at 55 I ended up not going back to work. I do feel I’ve wasted lots of time–my husband told me I needed “routines”. He’s right, but I never did develop them. I did some traveling and I cleared out and organized my “sewing room” which had become more of a storage room. I eventually ended up signing up for several classes though our local older adult programs–watercolor, drawing, calligraphy, and recently, exercise classes (via Zoom)—I want to be healthy in my old age and even with daily dog walks/hikes I was still stiff. I started volunteering for a southern California art non-profit, but with the pandemic, that has ballooned into a huge job and I don’t get to my own art. So, I’ve given notice that I’ll “retire” from that at the end of the year. Like you, I’m looking forward to having time for what’s important and I think I’ll take a more serious stab at developing those routines!
Dear Mary Ann. I retired Dec 2023, and it’s been an adjustment not to need to be productive. I’m adjusted now. I’m in 3 book clubs. I do pilates and yoga, where I have found a community of people who ‘know my name.’ I go to movies and plays, and concerts. And I try not to spend too much time staring out the window…
Same here. No direction, no need for a plan of any kind. The journal and sketchbook are my guides; the voice that writes words each morning is wiser and kinder than some other parts of me. That voice tells me there is no place better than here, no time better than now. I love the drift. And my sketchbook. The only thing that occurs to me is maybe making videos and starting a you tube channel. Give it all away to whoever wants it. But so far I’m too unfocused to get that together so I just practice it in my imagination. Love your posts dear MA. xo
I completely get that. I often chided myself for days when I accomplished “nothing” in retirement because as a former Worker Bee, it was ingrained to be “productive.” I have come to realize that our body, mind and soul need rest and contemplation as much as finishing stuff. And, fellow library lover, I am a member of 3 systems because of my location and I visit all 3 regularly. God bless libraries and Benjamin Franklin (among others).
I’m always look forward to your posts.
Oh my dear rudderless friend – I know the feeling but take heart – you will find that the days fill with unexpected joy and new learning. I’m glad you love the public libraries. Read, rest, imagine. Floating sounds good. I am deep into the Forest of old age and my days are still interesting. Much love, AT 1
BTW. I love the painting of your house. I may have to start drawing again. You are so inspiring ❤️
Hello, my name is Jeff. eould like to introduce myself I’m aAfrican American professional abstract artist. I’ve been painting for over 45 years.In 2015 I had a stroke. I’m very fortunate I paint everyday. Would love to talk. I like you thanks Jeff.
A long time ago I found you on the internet. You were teaching about journal making. I made a few.
Well since I have all this free time now, I have found paper craft again and in May I started what the internet call a junk journal or glue book.
I find it totally relaxing and such a new learning experience. There are so many videos to look at and follow.
So that has been this year.
I retired last July and I sat for quite a while.
Before getting motivated.
It’s been 11 years since I retired. I vaguely recall my anxiety about not knowing my future. Now the days blend into each other. I do do a brief mental check each morning, “what day is it?” Then I get out of bed, make my coffee and get on with it. I was vvvv busy in my first years but have slowed down. You do. But days are full with painting, friends and a new form of life, slower and the wonder that I once did so much more and how did I manage that???
Speaking as one sloth-ish human to another, once i entered retirement, officially I was sort of gobsmacked by how quickly ‘the tidying up’ stuff took over. I decided at some point, to do one chore each day (always flexible if something else comes up) vacuum one day, dust one day, bathrooms another, you get the picture. And only our first floor really needs dedicated attention. Normal stuff like dishes and bed tending and such get done daily and pretty quickly for the most part. I prefer to do small loads of laundry over one big one since I have to trek to the basement, so that happens every day, even tho it’s just the 2 of us plus one small dog and one mini kitty (she is an old gal, of tiny stature but mighty none the less) And the hubs still works so….. anyway all to say, one dedicated chore a day gives me most of the day to do whatever I want and I don’t waste time stressing over perfection in being tidy. Long as I know it is clean is enough, perfection is never, ever the goal. Our home is definitely lived in. I have been rudder less for the most part, look forward to time with my book stack, art journaling and puttering about, and when I run errands for groceries or whatever I do everything in one trip so if I don’t have it and I’m not going to the store that day, it has to wait. I avoid this by buying one more of the things I know I need and go through quickly, some things rarely need replacing. Food is always stocked as needed so stuff is not wasted and meat only finds its way to my kitchen if I know I will use it that day or the next to avoid freezing it and I batch cook stuff that I know I can freeze or store for an extended period like my chili keeps a good long while when I jar it up and seal it and of course kept nice and chilly! So my lengthy tips on navigating the seas of retirement without a rudder. Trust me as I have not had one of those in years. I am a very good floater and it seems I tend to go in the right direction regardless. I think I must have born with a built in compass. Like little Woodstock (Charles Shultz’s) lil’ bird, looks silly as it flits about but always seems to get where it is going.
Warmly Susie in MN
I retired 10 years ago, one month before my 60th birthday. I was all about domestic chores at first, but thankfully, that passed! You will get in your own groove before you know it. You have so many interests, and you live in a beautiful place. Enjoy the thrill of knowing you can do anything you want to do (including absolutely nothing) whenever you want to do it! It’s such a wonderful gift.
It takes awhile to lose the muscle memory of work-a-day life and to find your new flow. Be gentle with yourself. It always helps me to make a pie in the sky list and then start crossing off the absurd and undoable, the list changes but it helps me figure out what I really want and can achieve.
That’s exactly how I spent my first year of retirement –reading and drawing, drifting and listening, looking out the window, waiting for something to speak to me. Oh, and chores. I hope you enjoy the change!
Your no plan plan is the best I’ve seen, and I practice it myself! Only working two days a week makes my life soooo much better, and I draw just about every day, something I’ve longed to do for 30 years. Right now that’s all I need , to look at my yard and flowers and breathe and notice! You are still inspiring me and I always look forward to your posts and see where you’ll float next!