On the very last hour of the very last day of my summer vacation I will not ask, where all the days of the summer have gone? I will know.
10 hours were spent driving up to the village of Mendocino. Once you leave the long central valley, climb and descend the coast ranges, and arrive in the foggy wonderland it is 50 degrees cooler.
Days were spent falling under the spell of the plant kingdom.
On this northern coast in summer especially, ocean upwelling draws cold water from the depths and a combination of wind and geography sweep the fog back and forth over the headlands.
Like magic it erases trees, houses, ridgelines within minutes.
Perfect conditions for rambles here and there.
I always make use of my reciprocal membership from Descanso Gardens to visit the Mendocino County Botanic Gardens. The dahlia garden is nestled in a small clearing surrounded by tall eucalyptus, pine, and cypress.
If there were only a dozen or so shrubs it would be glorious, but there are more than 400. The variety and geometry in the way the petals arrange themselves is breathtaking.
There are 47 acres here filled with wonderful walking paths that lead to ocean headlands.
With a membership you can visit the garden an hour before it opens to the public and have the entire place to yourself. Check your local garden membership because it might have reciprocal benefits through the American Horticultural Society Reciprocal Admissions Program. My membership at Descanso grants me admission to more than 250 botanical gardens across North America.
The knot of worry I brought with me from Los Angeles disappeared within a day of arriving. How good to feel that lift and move away. If you have animal or human companions, you know this story. How the mental tangles and loops can be so constricting.
Fear is a difficult place to live. Being outside in the wild world and close to the water is a balm. Walking on marine terraces that formed a million years ago makes one think about our short little lives. When my mind is wrapped in worry I think of this quote from Rumi:
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
Lately I have a new listening practice for staying HERE. Being here and out of my head. I listen to the sounds of neighborhood life or headland life. Gulls, ravens, shorebirds, wind, water, rain. Cars, dishes clattering, a spoon clinking against the side of a bowl. A glass on the counter. More birds. Someone is sweeping. Tuning into the sounds of the world. I find it enormously helpful to listen and breathe and sit.
I’m reading Joko Beck’s Ordinary Wonder: Zen Life & Practice
“There is only one thing we need to know. To experience life fully pay attention when we experience something. Feel it. Be curious and friendly with it.”
Back to the random accounting of my days of summer…
I have been here. Really been here. On my porch. In the forest. Beside the water.
I sat outside and in front of this window and didn’t paint or draw a single thing even though I brought all of my supplies with me. I was too busy watching the birds at the feeder and the fog.
This trash can in Fort Bragg.
This cat.
Otto & Iris are living their best little lives. They are going to be petite cats, not sumo wrestlers.
They’ll return to a vet in a few months and we’ll see how the supplements are working and where to go from here. In the meantime we are a family of mammals – living together and sharing lots of good moments.
I found a marvelous cat whispering Italian pet sitter (from Milan who lives in LA) that I’m crazy about. She sent me photos daily and they weren’t shy around her! She has such a way with animals. I feel lucky to have found her.
Wind-swept marvels. I wished I had stayed the entire week, but I was only gone for 4 days. I almost cancelled completely, but I went anyway. I talked to myself on the way, everything will be fine.
And it was.
Last summer when I was away, my dear Corky needed emergency vet care. It was the beginning of the end for her. The cat sitter went above and beyond, but the prognosis turned out to be terminal. It was all very fast. Then Wyatt began his great decline. I somehow thought when I got 2 new kittens I’d be home scot-free. No more worries for at least 10-15 years.
Now I am here. Learning to be with uncertainty and trying not to run away in a spiral loop of mental calamities, most of which will probably never happen.
These are my field notes on living. I write them mostly for myself. Journals and blogs are my containers for the things that can’t be contained. I clatter on the keys, scribble with my pens, and try and sort things out.
It’s my life’s work. Following the path deeper into the woods, but overall I haven’t got a clue where it’s headed.
It’s the last months of my 59th year of life. I like to think I’m settling into a good rhythm for my upcoming little old ladyhood, but who knows? If you sent in an application for the seaside commune for wayward old lady artists and misfits, I received it. Your names are up towards the top of the list. Everyone’s welcome. Come as you are.
My annual Great Craig’s List Giveaway was awesome. I handed off a Victorian photo album to a gentleman on a scooter wearing a giant pair of sunglasses and an arty hat in front of the public library downtown.
A nice old man who gave a home to my old dvd player & remote brought me some grapes from his garden in an orchid pot and left them for me last night on the old glider in my driveway. I heard someone say, “Thank- you” while I was sitting at the kitchen table, but I didn’t go to investigate thinking it was someone talking on their phone in the lane. This morning the grapes were there with a homemade card. If this sounds creepy, it was the opposite of creepy. It was lovely.
I got rid of plastic photo sleeves from the 90’s, art supplies, notebooks, old plastic storage containers, shoes, socks, pillowcases, sheets, blankets, a lock box, knick knacks, cat beds and cat food, the green velvet from last summer that no one claimed, candles, an old ottoman, and a magnifying glass. In LA there’s a sea of humanity out there that need things you don’t want.
I have a container labeled, “Craig’s List” in my garage and I deposit things inside it as I come across what I no longer need throughout the year. Then in the summer I start listing everything.
I loved reading the comments on my last post. It’s a privilege to send smoke signals out into the world and have real people sending notes back to me. For some reason, that I don’t have time or inclination to investigate thoroughly, I don’t get emails alerting me of comments, I just come here to read them. If I’m on the ball, I respond.
The 4th meeting of the middle-aged mammals is this Sunday @11 am. I don’t have a single thing planned as of this moment. You can check the class OMG blog between now and then to see if I post something. I’m getting ready to go sit at my art table after my afternoon summer nap with the kittens. Something may come to me. I have a feeling I know what it will be, but we’ll just see.
For now my summer brain salutes yours. Look up in the sky and watch for the tendril of fog I’m sending you from the north coast.
Lovely words and photos. As usual. I took your Sketchbookery class a couple of years ago, and I’m still inspired. Thank you!
This was my second reading of this post. Your words and photos are a joy and comfort. I’m longing for a few weeks in California and may hit you up for cottage recommendations when the time comes. The view from your latest one looks heavenly!
We’ve not been on a trip since 2018 as we had an elder Basset and I refused to leave him with anyone. Sadly, he left us last Friday at the age of 16, after 14 wonderful years together. We’re hoping to travel a bit before we contemplate another, but we’ll see. Your new housemates are adorable! I hope that you’re able to find the perfect vet for them soon.
I’m reading Jokos Everyday Zen for the second time,reading aloud with friends…
Does the zoom start at 10 or 11 tomorrow? In this post you say 10, but on the omg class website it says 11…I don’t want to miss it…
How i love reading your posts. It feels like chatting with a friend. Every time i feel like leaving Montreal, moving west and wandering up and down the coast. Sign me up for the commune.
I love seeing your emails in my inbox.I live in Queensland and it’s usually really hot and humid in the summer.One year we went down to Tasmania for a holiday , and visited ancient trees.I stood in this sacred place with my hands on the cold damp green moss.I closed my eyes,stood and listened to the sound on the stream, gently making its way down hill, breathed in the icy forest air.Magic that I can call upon on hot summer days.
Just wanted to send some FEELING EXACTLY THE SAME WAY VIBES YOUR WAY. I have 3 gorgeous little Havanese dogs, and the oldest one is in renal failure and has got the dwindles. Always in the back of my mind. And so many other bits of anxiety in the background–my family, the future, money, retirement! YOU NAME IT. And WTF is going on in this completely insane world?? I am a news junkie and I can hardly stand to keep up any more. What’s a person to do??
In much better news! I am headed to Venice for a week on Saturday and am making a Venice journal, of course!
Bon courage, as the French say!
Your posts are new to me. I was transported from Florida to California immediately. Your words and pictures drew me into the room with you. Is that ceapy? It’s not meant to be. I look forward to more.
Sister!! Let’s invent magical wide tooth combs for untangling all those mental knots! I adore the white dahlias the best – the ones that look like the lamp over our table at out cottage in Bergen, the headlands with views to that incredible water are gorgeous, the grapes with note from the man who took the DVD player off your hands is a connection that makes life sweet… and finally IRIS and OTTO ❤️❤️❤️
I love seeing your adventures and really enjoy the pictures. You have a great eye. What hit me most from this post was that quote about remaining in prison when the door is open. That’s me. That’s what I need to work on. Thank you.
Thanks for this post, as well as for the book recommendation. I’m glad you got away to the lovely seaside.
I’m here trying to ignore the what-ifs. Two coworkers who sit within 20 feet of my desk have COVID. So far I am OK. I’m experiencing all sorts of feelings about this, from anger to fear to disappointment to resignation and back again. It is what it is. Keep the faith, MAM!
XOXO
Loved this Mary Ann. Your rambles resonate and I shall join you in the old gal art community. I think in my heart I am already there. Oh I so love your listening practice. I share it. I love seeing slices of your world, places I will probably never see. All those amazing blooms make me smile. Sending smoke signals back to you in a cheery wave and a low flyover using my extra large wings, giggling the whole time and then scooting back to my perch in Minnesota.
Thanks for sharing your Mendocino trip in such delightful detail! I’ve not been able to get away this summer and your pics provided a virtual vacation for me this AM. The dahlias are amazing and the kitties are sweet, as always. I’ve always dreamed of a retirement spent in a communal setting with other women so I love your idea ! Sorry I don’t live anywhere near there–after a life of wandering the USA and living in several different states, I think I’m back to square-one living in a small town in SE Michigan. Loving the simplicity of it, but wishing I lived on a lake.
I too let fear and “what ifs” take over at times and they keep me from really enjoying life too often– I can totally relate to what you said about “almost not going” on your get away trip and then cutting it short. I’ve done the same–living in the moment always helps get me past that though. What is our life about except to live and experience all that is out there?
Take care– Kate
You are a kindred spirit. From flowers (the geometry of them always amazes me) to birds to cats and of course art. I am so glad you had such a rich filled vacation. I wonder if it has to do with aging, this ability to see things more clearly. As always, I love your blogs and am always inspired by what you write and your visuals as well.
Take care
Love getting lost in your blogs. Love from a retired teacher in Melbourne, Australia. x
A seaside commune sounds just about right. I’m hoping to be able to join in on the next OMG art lady gathering. We’ll see. There’s family stuff to attend to.
Oh Mam . You’re just something else.🐈
The colors in the photo of those pink fuzzy fruits (and the one down low with the gaping pie hole) are so inspiring. I’ve never used a photo to make a color palette for a page but I just might do that tomorrow. As always, a lovely post.
I like how you give yourself credit for the things you DID do and how you immortalized them in a post. It’s pretty easy to forget and then beat yourself up for wasting time. Mo’ betta to say, “I rested, I watched, I thought, I sat, I observed”.
I hope your kitties respond well to your ministrations. I thought Hilde was on her last legs today, she was feverish and refused her breakfast. Tonight she’s bugging for dinner and asked to get in my chair with me. The little sentient beings that live under our roofs with us sure bring a lot of light and love to our lives. I like knowing there are other heartbeats in the room with me.
Oh I hope Hilde has many more good days and fills every room with added heartbeats. thump thump thump
Thank you, dear, sweet MAM. Please sign me up. Old lady, misfit & art lover, I am. I’m
getting rid of all excess too. Alas, real estate buyer just backed out. The fear is real, and has been for many months. Such darkness, unrelenting. Love to you and kitties.
Sheila
Sheila,
Sending good BRIGHT wishes for a new buyer to pull into the spot the previous buyer exited. xo
Oh Mary Ann, a happy early birthday to you. Add my name to your seaside commune waiting list. I am sending you love as you ready to head back to the kids. I can’t tell you how much I love to read your words on living life. Something I have been telling myself, Tomorrow is tomorrow, tomorrow is not today, today is today. It has helped ground me in the moment.
Lisa
today is today. i like that v v much, Lisa
Your get away sounded as though it was most needed. Often just sitting and listening can be balm for the weary mind. How nice that you were able to do so. I am busy filling out my application for the delightful sounding commune. Please be on the lookout for it.
my eyes are wide open. i know your application will be fun to read!
You write so beautifully. Your photos, amazing. And your art is so fun to look at.
Always inspiring, but especially this post. Delightful.
Waving to you Janice out there in your world!
Waving back!
Deep thanks for your beautiful posts. I wish the three of you well!
You are a lovely writer Mary Ann… reading your blog posts feel like finding old letters in an attic, a dusty little box filled with treasured exchanges between friends. Your travels and contemplations of life are endearing and your OMG class was the same. I think it’s time to dig out my gouache palette and find a book to fill with summer goodness.
thank you, Dede for the kind comparison. i am a fan of both old letters and attics!
Oh please add my name to the list for the old lady commune! This working stiff cannot wait to retire and be friends and confidants of other former working stiff’s.
It is so heartening to see the magnificent photos of life continuing on despite the death and destruction that seems to be surrounding us daily, not to mention the affirmations of gratitude for each day that come through in your smoke signals. I save every one.
I have had my share of cat allergies over these last five years, but for me I think it was the environment, as none of us did well in an old house with lots of musty (moldy?) smells. Since moving, one of my fur balls continues to have skin problems but I think I have traced it back to one brand of prescription food I was giving him. Just keep trying different things, it will take a lot of patience and time but eventually you will find some peace.
May retirement rush towards us at the speed of light and may we have decades of life left to enjoy every non-working moment. sigh.
I think you’re on to something with the old house thing. Moss Cottage is nearing her 100th birthday!
Appreciate the encouragement xo
Hello! I do love reading your blog! 🌻
I can feel the summer warmth – very welcome as we are having a cold and wet winter here in Sydney, Australia. But that is okay. I can bear it with more equanimity than mid summer heat. 🥵
Do give your cats some cuddles for me. My cat, Miss Muffet, died just over a year ago and l still miss her a lot. It would be nice to adopt another cat but since l’m 85 with some health issues that will be out of the question. Am not complaining though. Life as an old lady is pretty good.
Bye for now. ❤️
Tia
Good to hear from you Tia from Sydney. Your winter weather sounds heavenly. My condolences about Miss Muffet. It’s hard to be without a furperson. I hope she visits you in your dreams. xo
Yay ! For the next zoom , your Craig’s list giveaways , Mendocino in general , your cat whisperer , the flower photos and just all of it . I enjoy your writing as much as I enjoy your paintings . ( and boy do they go great together ) Sign me up for the old lady commune ,
Love ,
Nullsie
You’ve been registered for the commune. Look for the confirmation arriving by carrier pigeon in the next few days.
How I love seeing you in my inbox, with your smoke signals and photos and insights. I, too, got a cat this year. He is adorable and owns me completely and, surprisingly, my husband too! Usually hubby is not so inclined to the pets but this one walked into his heart and has settle down to stay. Hubby gives him lots of loves and pats and is constantly reporting to me what Max has reported to him about my abject failings as a good cat mother. Sigh.
I am off on a Great Lakes cruise at the end of the month and at the end of September I am, gulp, headed back to Namibia for three weeks at remote lodges. I am so excited but also so scared I’ll get Covid. Well, I will have half a suitcase full of masks and plan to use caution. I’ve avoided it so far, but all that travel makes me worry. Give your beautiful kittens a pat from me and know that I treasure your words when you reach out. I feel we are friends, old friends, good friends. Waving wildly from the Pacific Northwest from my little house on Bell Street.
There you go, Michele, continuing to explore our big world. A remote lodge in Namibia! Sounds divine. I just got my 2nd booster to be ready for school. If you do contract COVID my bet is that you’ll be well cared for on your sailing vessel as well as at the lodge. May you return in good health and enjoy the journey. Are you on Facebook and will you be putting up pictures? I hope so!
I am on Facebook and, the good Lord willing, I will be inflicting photos from my adventures on my poor, unsuspecting FB followers. You can find me at Michele Rawlings Unger on FB. Pkease come along on my adventure! You are most welcome!
Once again, I feel like I’m reading a note from an old friend (we just haven’t met yet). I feel like you know what I need to hear & understand what I’m going through. Thank you for your longtime habit of sending your thoughts out into the beyond. You really have no idea how appreciated, helpful & loved they are!
An old friend I haven’t met yet. It’s the way of the internet and I LOVE it!
hello dear Nan. thank you xo
Such a lovely post! xox
Lovely post, Mary Ann. I, too, am in the last months of my 59th year of life. I can relate to your words about what is coming next. Also, going through my stuff and putting into piles of keep, donate or sell.
I absolutely love reading your blog and looking at your gorgeous photos Mary Ann! I’m momentarily transported to California!