I’ve been drawing on the porch in the warm evenings of late summer. Wyatt – my feline muse is showing up in my sketchbook and on the pages of my writing journal. I scratch out his likeness with different colored markers and color in his black patches.
The white epiphylums and tiny Christmas Sleigh aloe are in bloom. I take such pleasure in being on my private patio. Poking in the dirt, tending the plants, reading, star gazing, watching the moon set. I am hidden from the world of homo sapiens back here. Only visible to the long cascading branches of the olive tree and oak, who gaze down at me while I putter.
It is very nice indeed to have places outdoors that are sanctuaries. I cherish mine.
Only this week Wyatt and I took refuge under the umbrella when a rare September rainstorm blew over Moss Cottage on a warm night. One minute I was watching the silver crescent moon, the next a wooly white quilt shook itself across the sky and stars and moon were hidden. The next morning, another brief flash of rain as I rode to school.
I’m always thinking of retirement. Wondering if I dare retire early at 60 and end my school career. My pension would only be half of my current salary, but I would receive full medical and dental benefits. I’ve turned things over and over in my mind. The right course of action has yet to fully reveal itself, but I’m operating on intuition here. Letting myself be guided by a deeper force than logic. Sums and figures, calculators and calculations will not be what lead me onto a different path. I am following my north star. It winks at me through the long veil of night. Into my bedroom window.
Retirement for me would not mean the end of working life. It would be turning my vast energy stores in the direction of creativity. Lifting my face to a new sun. I know by now, in my creative life that even when I sit through long dry periods something is sprouting.
It’s like this with my writing journal lately. I follow along as I’m urged to make illustrations on the pages with markers. I don’t pretend to know where it’s all leading. I’m an expert in exactly this: NOTHING.
But I keep going. Following the tracks even as they disappear in front of me.
My sister Dottie shared a poem while she was her annual retreat in Minnesota. It’s called PILGRM and it was written by Dom Hélder Câmara.
A message, received and decoded.
Put out to sea!
I have tuned my transmitter to pick up signals from intelligent signs in the universe. I will be sitting still by my receiver and listening for the delicate code to come across the wires. And when it is just right, I will act.
This epiphylum looks as though it is picking up some signals too doesn’t it?
From my writing journal where I record matters of big and small import.
The plant world is also wanting to be noticed.
More BIG juicy thank you messages from the students I teach. Some seen here and some invisible. On Thursday of this past week I had at least half a dozen packages to open. They were ALL from the same person. Books, pens, highlighters, more books, staple removers, more books. I’ve restocked the WISHLIST and it goes without saying that you don’t have to even visit it. Just if you want to, it’s there. I’ve received more than one email/comment from people who didn’t make it in time. Every single thing is put to good use.
On My Bookshelf
Making pictures and reading books and sitting still keeps my antenna clear and untangled.
I am pressing PUBLISH and heading outside to watch the sun set. Me and my cat posse of 1, my journal, my pens. See you soon.
I’m a psychologist who worked my entire career in community mental health with kiddos much like those you teach. Although I truly loved the work, it took so much energy that I didn’t have much left for my creative pursuits at the end of the day. I was just thinking about how much I used to love the Thanksgiving 4 day weekend because I always had “Art Day” on that Friday. When the never-ending politics and funding worries got to be too much, I decided to early at age 63. Now every day can be art day!
I, too, have a state pension that pays about half of what my salary was. I didn’t have that lovely health insurance benefit you have, so I’ve been paying too much for lousy coverage for the past couple of years, but it was manageable with the ACA. I still work very part time with a small private practice, which I have discovered is lots more fun when I get to make my own rules, and in December, I’m eligible for Medicare! I’m gonna feel rich!
I was terrified when I made the decision. As a never-married woman it somehow seemed so very daunting to cut loose from the structure of full time work that provided structure and security, but looking back, I am so very glad I was able to make the leap. Have courage…go when the time is right for you.
I retired at 62 with reduced benefits. I have never regretted it. I was able to get health insurance because of my last job and I took the leap off the side of the mountain. I am a retired drug and alcohol, mental health counselor and loved counseling but could not handle state politics and constant money cuts for important, effective programs. Getting quiet is good, God let met know what to do. Have enjoyed your blog for years.
Mary Ann,
I am also in the time of trying to decide exactly what to do as far as retirement. My husband passed away in 2019 and a year later I decided I just couldn’t continue to work full-time. His death really brought home how fast time passes and how you just don’t have unlimited time… I am a Registered Nurse and the pandemic really accelerated my anxiety and stress so I went part time in June of 2020 thinking that that would quench my desire to retire. It hasn’t. It is much better than full-time though.
Your situation regarding your benefits is a huge advantage!!! That is my limiting factor. I’m worried that I can’t really afford to pay for insurance for a number of years prior to Medicare. And I do have a number to go… So, I keep on plugging along and do feel incredibly grateful for being part-time rather than full. Being part-time has also shown me that it isn’t that difficult for me to live on a tighter budget.
Your students this year sound like a joy! I’m so glad for you in this and I agree with the person who said that seeing this gives her hope. We certainly need to have all the hope we can get just now. If you do need to continue teaching the best thing that can happen is to have a lovely group of students. AND they are soooo incredibly lucky to have you as a teacher. You could just go in there and teach exactly what your syllabus says must be taught, but you don’t. You go and you share yourself and your incredible creativity with these children in order to teach them skills far beyond reading, writing and arithmetic. Cheers to you, Mary Ann. The schools and the students will lose much when you do retire!!
Susan I just printed your comment and am pasting it in my journal. thanks for it. not only your story about your own pending retirement – which i appreciate knowing so much – but your encouragement in the last paragraph. means so very much. thank you. deeply sorry for the loss of your life’s partner. that’s hard. xo
Mary Ann– I retired from nursing at 62, am now almost 68. I haven’t regretted it for a moment. My husband is 6 years older and was already retired–poor health is keeping him home most of the time now, but I’m still totally able and vital. I recently took part time work doing floral delivery just to beef up the savings account– it is so much less stressful than working as a Registered Nurse and I still bring people joy everyday! i love to sew, draw, write and create in general and it has totally been worth it to live on a tighter budget in order to have more free time to LIVE. It is a hard choice, but I know you will find other opportunities to use your “teacher talents” and to expand your artistic horizons in retirement– just make sure you have enough money to live a decent life and not feel deprived 🙂 Kate
Hi Mary Ann,
I wish you the very best in your heartfelt decisions. I am 82 and my husband 87 and we both are still working. We had to keep going (ad many do) to pay off bills for my mother’s care, and finally are coming in the next few months to a point where we might relax. We don’t know what retirement means, but we do know how to enjoy things and our home environment. Hubby took early retirement once when the city had budget cuts. Being able to retire by CHOICE is a sweet luxury and you are such a creative being-you’ll make it fine. All will be well. You can’t go wrong, following Spirit.
Sandy, I love and appreciate your thoughts on this. It really helps to know how others think and experience this thing we call “retirement” I wish for you and your husband much comfort, peace, and security. xo
This appeared at the moment my own pilgrimage is about to change . After a decade in NY , I will be heading back to San Clemente . First I need to decide what to take and what to donate or toss . I don’t have a date in mind yet , it’s as fast as my mind and body permits . ( but we will soon be in the same time zone ) I can’t wait to plant things and not have to worry about snow , oh and draw outside ! If it was up to me , you should retire ASAP , and do more classes and write some books !
oh sharon. i’m ever so sorry about the reason for your move. sending love & courage. and… i look forward to meeting you now that we’ll be on the same coast.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful poem from Carol. (Thank you “Sister”!)
How timely for my little world too! My husband and I are on the brink of possibility for major life changing decision(s) with his career and our ‘home” location (our first and only home for the last 22 years!) It is both exciting and terrifying at once (and he is FAR less of a risk taker than I).
I have made peace in my soul with letting Fate nudge him as It will and leading us one step at a time in to the murky waters of the Future. This little poem was another gentle nudge from The Universe……maybe it’s time to put out to sea and pilgrim into a dark unknown towards a brighter tomorrow?!
The poem is from my other sister, Dottie.
I’m wishing you much courage as you paddle those murkey waters of the future xo
You will know when the time is right for you.
You are self-aware and you can trust your feelings.
Thanks for your vote of confidence Pam!
Retire and write books, I will read all of them. I love how you write.
Hi Barbara, how are you down there in San Diego? (right?)
I absolutely love your posts, Mary Ann! Thank you for continuing to share your world with your readers.
May you all have a great school year!
I am reminded that I need to get back onto the Sketchbooking online class of yours.
I know you have so much goodness to offer there.
All of my best,
Briana aka OrangeSpiralArts in Minnesota
Hi Briana,
Thanks for your well wishes. Appreciate xo
Now I shall consider a few succulents having inherited some proper 1950/60s California pottery for said adventure. Inspired again MAM! Thank you. I am considering the same options, now or later, but from a different vantage point. The sea does sound nice. Love to your students.
mmmm vintage California pottery.. those succulents will shine in those pots.
Hi, I retired early at 63 after 38 years of teaching. Although I enjoyed my teaching life, I never regretted the decision of ending my teaching career at 63. Need to add, that teachers here in Germany are better off than our colleagues over in the States. We get about 70% .
Kind wishes!
Eva, I started teaching in my 30’s so I’d be in my 70’s if I went to 38 years. Yikes! Enjoy your glorious retirement in your lovely country. I hope to get back there sooner rather than later. We loved it so much!
I know it’s a decision that requires hefty thinking, but if I were you and had those benefits, I’d retire in a heartbeat. Jus’ sayin’. 😉
There’s a great film version of “We Have Always Lived in the Castle,” I think on Netflix. Either that or Prime! I really enjoyed it!
I too am thinking about retirement, but there are no benefits awaiting me.
I’d like to buy something from the wishlist, but Amazon wants an address from me. I’m a bit confused. Maybe you posted about where to send stuff and I missed it? Please let me know. Thanks, MAM!
Hmmm… not sure about that address part. I have my school address listed and most things go straight there when people order from my wishlist. Wish I could be more helpful.
Thanks for telling me about the film version.
Funnily enough, today your address at school has appeared! Voila! Sending you some stickers for Halloween. 🙂
OK, not stickers…earbuds. LOL
Whatever you sent the kids will LOVE. They are the nicest bunch of kids I’ve had in a long time. So agreeable. The chemistry is really good between everyone. That’s rare in a classroom.
I too am trying to figure out when to retire, next steps, etc. It is difficult to sit and just wait for something to bubble up. I love the poem. It is perfect. I am going to be teaching simple bookmaking to some Girl Scouts tomorrow and I am bringing for show and tell, the one that is covered with fabric and the long fabric tie that I made in a class of yours a long time ago. Your classes were the best. Becky
Thanks Becky, I hope to make more of them one day.
Once I put out to sea!
I am also constantly thinking of retirement. I’ve nearly always done the ‘responsible’ thing and retiring next year at age 62 seems downright reckless. I will get more official numbers this week, and then I will make a plan. I like your notion of cultivating stillness and following your north star. I have indeed been tethered to a dock that feels increasingly stagnant. What if…what if I just went to sea? What if?
From our ocean craft let us send each other words of encouragement.
Some element of risk will be involved.
Hooray! You’ve got a cactus I want but cannot name . I have had it twice before and a cold spell took it while I was tending to my mom in another state ,my husband didnt think to cover it. Its in the last photo before your classrooms masterpieces begin.
Good luck with that hard retirement decision. All I can offer is sure seems like time is flying faster thanever.😐
I always think of it as PICKLES but that is not it’s name. Alas, I do not know. They are sensitive I know that!