look deeply into my eyes. i have something to tell you.
when i come home everyday from school i am not feeling fulfilled & sparkly. i feel the opposite of fulfilled and sparkly.
so in the evening i sit down with my second-hand sketchbook i picked up at SCRAP in SF.
with the windows open and summer air being fanned inside.
which sort of feels like water straight out of the tap. not cool. not warm. but so so pleasant.
and with all of that summer air swirling around my bare arms and my knotted brow i start to feel like…
i can breathe. and i can. and i do.
Man, I hear you. Except I’m wrangling a 6-week-old infant instead of a class full of ankle biters (wanna trade? I suspect your gig involves remarkably less arse wiping…). Just think though–you get to leave at the end of the day/week. I can’t, ’cause that’s called Neglect and Child Endangerment.
Feel better yet?
We have a SCRAP in Portland that is my favorite store. I wonder if they are the same? Donated used art supplies and other wonderful bits of things you can re-craft with.
shar those fins are SMART. their style of education is what all good schools should emulate.
jane – thanks! and…i DO have and DO use acrylic paint – which you see in the palette. those bright clear colors of late are the dr. ph martin watercolors. love those little guys!!!
From what I’ve read about other countries and education, Mary Ann, you might want to take another trip – to Finland. They seem to think school should be a joyous place. Can you imagine? Love your letters!
I’m glad you find peace Mary Ann, I hope you find your sparkle.
And to think, most people return home from their yucky job and drink a beer (or two) in front of the TV. I thoroughly agree with Jane in an appreciation of keeping your blog “real” … and in doing so … you remain a constant inspiration. Thank you. BTW, I dreamed that I met you and I got to look through your wonderful journals. I didn’t want to wake up!
One of my favorite things about your blog (which is my favorite of all to read) is that you do keep it real. There are definitely folks who do seem to have made the pact with the devil at the crossroads and have the good fortune to not have to work at ‘regular jobs.’ Meaning the kind of work that involves status reports and presentations about dull things, and performance reviews, and meetings, and lots of endless polite conversation about things one can hardly believe other people actually care about. Do people actually care about these things? Or are they better at faking it than I? Being around people all day who don’t have the slightest interest in ‘all that weird craft stuff you do’ is very tiring. (Well, as an introvert, so being around people all day – period – is very tiring! Hah.)
What I’m getting at though, is that you too work a day job. A time consuming, draining day job, and you’re honest and real enough to discuss that everything isn’t all rainbows and sparkles all the time in your world. And so you speak to me, and everybody else that gets through day after day. And give us hope that we too can find time and find spirit for art in the midst of it. Living a creative life where you can. And I thank you and admire you even the more for it.
On a technical note – I know you had mentioned the other day that you’ve been using the Dr PH Martin’s watercolors. However, I do see a bottle of acrylic paint near your palette as well. So are you mixing the two to get these wonderful intense shades? What is in those glorious paint wells that I see? Thank you for taking the time to be a place of cozy respite in your electronic home, and being a kindred spirit.
I think sparkly and fulfilled went missing here as well. . . Most of our staff felt like that this Friday – my antidote was champagne and my journal … It worked because when I was at our usual Saturday breakfast with some non – teaching friends my sparkle had returned . . . I think the bubbles helped!!!
Thanks. I needed to read that. Sometimes I read the blogs of those I admire and wonder why i dont come home dancing through my doorway with the same glittery magic that seems to follow someone such as yourself. Good to know you have days of “quiet desperation” like us ordinary Josephines yet still find such grace between the pages of your ordinarily extraordinary notebooks and all the light that follows.
Your kids are so lucky to have you, Mary Ann! And I think we are too. You can do more with a few pictures and perfect words than anybody! Thanks for YOU!
jacki
http://jackilong.blogspot.com/
good luck with the Five. That makes it so hard. I had three last year, significantly difficult (euphemism).
“Fantods” – what a GREAT word!!
Hey, I’m a biter and those bad apples better look out.
xo
Listen: I’ll whisper so the school board doesn’t hear. You are starting to suffer from the “I’m not sure I can do this much longer” fantods. They won’t pass. They will just quietly vibrate around you until one day, one year, you will say “I cannot do this another year, another day.” And then you will retire and enjoy endless summers. (I got the fantods about two years before I knew FOR SURE at 56 that I could not read another term paper, listen to another parent praising his/her child, attend another faculty meeting….etc etc. And then I retired and it has been just plain wonderful.) We are all waiting for you….we’ll be here on that magic day!!!!
Just Breathe! You have 48 hours of sheer bliss before MONDAY…
peggy i have a lot of sweet as pie kiddos this year. along with 5 severe behavior probs who dont respond to my usual bag of tricks. one day at a time. my new mantra.
Love your quirky letters, , so fun. Yes, it’s a different day then when you entered the teaching arena, keep smiling and being you cause many of the kids will have a spark because of you. Thinking of you and hope there is at least one special craft monkey in your class.
sounds like the beginning of a most splendid weekend, enjoy every second of it.Gather your ‘tried and true’ friends around you; your journals, bits of this and that, invite your paints and rolls of tape and your abundance of amazing photos and if you feel like it, go to some favorite place for a bite to eat, grab a quite corner and fill your tummy and then go right back home to snuggle in for the best weekend ever. You earned it ten fold.
I know you’re a dreamer…a visualizer. I can tell from what I’ve read. I also know that we create our lives and I’ll bet yours is blossoming into everything that will make you joyful. I’m with you.
Bless you, and all the other teachers out there similarly drained by the end of the week! Thank heaven for your indomitable spirit and creativity. Loving your lettering of late. “Courage”…say that with a Parisian accent 🙂 Have a soul soothing weekend, and rest assured that all humanity appreciates what you do.
I like your letters! Are you a teacher?