i'm still here. so is buck. i have printed out his photos and put them in a few locations throughout moss cottage. i am bombarding myself with sweet images of him. helping to replace the ugliness i saw on the day he died. i talk about him, i think about him, i look at him, i pick up his puffs of fur off the floors and press them to my cheek. breath in.
his ashes will be here when i return from budapest and i will dig them into the soil and start a catmint patch on top. he made many trips to the catmint pot everyday. rubbing his head all over, eating & crushing the leaves. now the rest of the cat posse will have a proper patch to roll in.
just today i labeled my paris earth & water samples
it seems like wyatt misses his brave leader, but i'm not a person who attributes human characteristics to animals. not in my pragmatic nature. so i don't know for sure. but he is looking around actively. something has changed. and wyatt earp's longtime companion has vanished. POOF.
it really was remarkable how buck allowed wyatt to pal around with him. he strongly disliked the missus and chased her constantly. i think she is pleased to be allowed inside without having to hide.
i had begun my travel journal the day before buck died. he slept on the cover. i had to keep picking him up and moving him off of it. somehow i managed to sew my signatures in nearly one-handed. picture a bear binding a book. that's me.
i'm looking forward to my journey to hungary tomorrow morning. away i'll go flying out over a couple of continents, a mighty ocean, and several seas. in my window seat. looking down at the world below.
life goes on. things are lost. new things are found.
more than anything i love the world.
don't have enough thank yous to wrap around all of you. but i am blowing kisses of gratitude for your support. i can feel it. no energy to answer all the comments, but i register each one in my mind. read them over. sometimes unexpected laughter erupts. a light & lovely tonic to wash out the dark corners.
see you in a couple of days. i'll be blogging from budapest. my eyes 2 cameras that record what they see and transmit back.
girl reporter on assignment.
Nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said, and probably more eloquently but… My deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved Bucky-boy. He’s always reminded me so much of my little girl Sweet Pea who had the same sort of markings and who was just as exasperating when I was trying to do anything but pay attention to her. They insinuate themselves into our hearts, deeply. The current furry occupant of my heart is a Lab-Pit Bull mix and there’s some sort of instinctual drive in her to go after cats, despite her otherwise sweet and loving nature and ALL our efforts to train it out of her. May your trip be a safe and healing one. Thanks for letting us armchair travelers tag along!
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful cat companion Buck Moss. I’m glad you have the trip to Budapest to help you heal and to perhaps take your mind off of Buck for a little while. I’m sure you’ll see signs of him everywhere.
Can’t wait to see your photos and read all about your adventures. Thank you so much for sharing!
Sometimes grief can be tangible. Like the sound of words as it travels through thickened air. It hangs on spiderwebs at night like dew. The sight of a drop of blood can rise up and hit you in the chest and make you weep. But to know such grief you would have had to experience great joy and that is a good and beautiful thing.
I’d give the bear a big HUG!
Bon voyage Mary Ann! I’m so glad your going to Buda and Pest. We’re going back to Hungary next year and I’ll be watching your tips for suggestions. Every meal we had was good but this was the highlight for me at Rivalda Restaurant up by the Buda Castle. http://www.flickr.com/photos/r4andred/341130511/in/set-72157594459362657
Have a wonderful trip! Buck’s cousins are waiting to greet you there. You’ll see!
So sorry about the loss of your lovely cat – it tears the heart to lose a family member no matter how furry. You are right to comfort yourself anyway that you can. He will be prowling around Budapest with you no doubt, a tiny warm ghost wrapped around your heart. Your travel journal is beautiful.
Hoping each day is bringing you more peace. May your travels be a soothing respite.
just dropped by to see what wonderful things you are up to…and so very very sorry to read of what you have been going through.
It’s hard enough to lose a beloved pet/friend, but in such a tragic manner.
love to you,
Lovely pics of Buck – what a handsome dude. Can’t wait to see your travel posts, especially the balcony scene! Did you pack your water balloons?
Thank you dear internet friend for taking the trip that I can’t and sharing it with me. I so look forward to your reports. Be safe. Jodi
Love seeing these additional photos of Buck and especially the one that has been added to your Budapest travel journal but I am especially struck by the one at the top of the post – it’s as if Buck is looking right at me and saying, “your spool of thread is too small, you need to get one THIS big!!” So looking forward to the tales of your adventures, I hope they will help to lighten your heart now and again in this initial stage of grieving this tragic loss.
Wishing you peaceful and inspiring travels – Tiffiny
Ha! You made me laugh with your comment about your practical nature keeping you from anthropomorphizing!
I just go with what I observe – and I observe my furballs being rattled when one of them passes on. They hiss, they sleep even more, they look around, and they whine a little bit. I’m pretty sure they miss their friend/enemy/co-habitant (they all have different relationships with each other…..). So I’m thinking Wyatt is missing his friend.
Just call me an impractical anthropomorphizer 🙂 – but I definitely think they are impacted by one leaving. For sure they are impacted when a new one shows up………
Wishing you a beautiful trip and a safe return home.
Hello Ms. Moss,
From the time I found your blog I could not stop looking at your beautiful pictures and journals (seriously, I got behind at work). I was in awe and wonderment. How could something so simple be so beautiful. I would dream along with you and just melt into all of your wonderful colors. I started taking pictures again, BECAUSE OF YOU….You give me the courage to take a damn picture while driving, walking, and sometimes just in my backyard. I know you have experienced a terrible loss but Buck will always be remembered and loved. You were there to love him until the end.
Please enjoy your trip and send many pictures. Thank you for teaching me to dream again.
You are doing all the right things to love, honor, and remember your beautiful Buck and help yourself to heal. All of us out here that read your blog loved and admired him, and enjoyed seeing your photos of the fur-ball who was always helping you with your journal-making and art. He will long be remembered by all of us. Hope your trip is great and healing.
Safe travels to Hungary and Budapest. I am so very much looking forward to traveling side by side with you as you so generously share your journey with us. Buck is safe now and your photos and memories will continue and we shall continue to enjoy them all. Love and Hugs to you Miss Mary Ann Moss who loves this world we live in…
I can so relate to your feelings right now. A guinea pig owner since I was 13 years old, I have watched my beloved piggies grow old and ill, and have had to bury several. My favorite pig Rudy passed away in 2008, and I still miss him. A scrapbook I’ve made featuring all of his photos is a great comfort to me. Pets are like people/members of the family to those of us who love them, and when it’s their time to go, that sense of loss is hard for non-pet-lovers to understand.
Have a lovely, healing trip!! I know we can all enjoy an armchair view of you wonderous world. You are so generous to share yourself with us…
xoxoxo
Kim
Dear Intrepid Girl Reporter,
Your assignment, should you choose to do it, is to send dispatches full of joy and color from Budapest so we’ll know what it’s like to be in such an extraordinary place. Go on wings of love and caring from your loyal readers/friends, knowing that we’re waiting here to read all about it.
Love your travel journal… and the featured picture of Buck Moss, true friend and companion.
Mary Ann, have a super fantastic trip! Can’t wait to see your pics and journal!
Every picture of Buck Moss= beautiful!
Catmint tribute= sweetness
Trip to Budapest= healing
Journal & photos= memories
Have a wonderful journey. I’m so glad I’ll be included via your blog and camera.
Huglets,
Joan
Out where the west gets wild
Dearest Mary Ann: I really like the idea of how you are going to bury Buck. If you don’t mind, I am going to do the same thing when my little ragdoll kitty, Princess (my girls named her when they were little) passes on. She’s about 14 years now. Her nickname is the energizer kitty, because she keeps on ticking. Have a wonderful trip and I look forward to seeing your journal and pictures of your trip.
Susan
Mary Ann:
I was so sorry to hear about your Buck – he looked a big lovable furry fluffy bunny of a cat in his black tux. Here’s to the spirits of the cats we have loved and lost………. Kathy Stewart
Have a safe and wonderful trip! I know we all look forward to your posts from abroad!! Appreciate you being able to share both your joy and your pain with us. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Traveling is so wonderful for the soul as you are keenly aware. Me thinks the timing of this trip will be helpful for the healing process. Your travel album is beautiful MaryAnn, beautiful. Fly away kiddo to awesome new adventures.
Catherine
I love the idea of a memorial catnip patch. Have a joyful and safe trip.
Loving all the photos of Buck that you post. Wishing you many new adventures in Budapest
Your in my thoughts and prayers Mary Ann, thank you for shring pictures of your friend with us. Enjoy and have safe travels. Peggy
Photos, lots of photos, is a lesson here. Take them often, because they serve to bring back smiles and chuckles. Some words to comfort the loss (these come from my vet; maybe you’ve already read these?) “Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you. I loved you so…’twas Heaven here with you.”
That’s one of the loveliest things about you, Mary Ann, your love of life.
A trip like this has got to be the best possible medicine for a broken heart. The world is so big that our troubles can once again appear small in comparison.
oh i love travelling with you Mary Ann through your two camera eyes!!! it’s such a blast visiting places i’ll probably never get to irl. more hugs to you and safe travels.
Sending prayers for a safe trip. I love the idea for a Buck Moss Catnip Patch Memorial. Ready and waiting for your first post in Budapest.
Safe and happy travels! Can’t wait to hear all about Budapest (perhaps a cafe suggestion for my trip there later this year?) love your photo of buck in the journal… A sweet traveling companion….warm hugs from CT from me and the furry posse here. Xo deb
can’t wait to hear back from you!
stay safe with that big heart of yours
you rock!
p.s. some more hugs and good healing thoughts in your way
Have the best trip Mary Ann! I hope your adventures help to heal your heart just a little. Be safe.
Travel safe! Share your life with other’s where you travel. They will love it as much as your blog followers. They have no idea what is coming in on the run way today!!
A beautiful loved cat.
Enjoy your trip to Budapest; it is a city with lots of cats. Enjoy your visit and may it be a healing time.
I woke up in the wee hours this morning thinking of you and buck and wondering about wyatt. I have been away and my kitty was not to happy so he had me pinned to the pillow 🙂 I gave him extra lovins c/o buck moss. Have a safe and healing journey mary ann. Hugs from north dakota.
Have a great trip in Budapest, (if this is a double post I apologize, kitten just sat on the keyboard) can’t wait to see your pictures. I love seeing pictures of Buck, It makes me realize I need to ge some more pictures of Titus up luckily I have some from not long ago. Enjoy your vacation!
Ack! Hard to type while crying! Mary Ann, don’t worry about replying to posts. Just have the best time in Budapest. Buck will be there in your journal and in your heart.
Mary-Ann, I’m sending you cat-loving hugs across the Atlantic! Have the best trip, it will be good therapy for you. Can’t wait for your photos!
There’s nothing quite like a big beautiful boy cat. We’ve loved and lost one. It takes a while, but the pain does go. I hope you have a wonderful trip. I am Australian, but my father was Hungarian, so I am very interested in seeing Budapest… through your eyes.
You already know how I feel bout ya,you are something special and so rare, you already know I want you to do all those things you so love to do when you travel, take slow walks, savor every morsel, chase those quiet, sometimes crazy dreams from one end of the earth to the other and celebrate life one precious moment at a time. I’ll keep watch from here. Be a shadow from afar. Loving all those pics of Master Buck.
Dear Mary Ann,
Have a safe but eventful trip. My grandmother was born in Pest. Would love to go someday. For now, I look forward to your photos and observations. I feel that we are somehow kindred spirits through the ether. New horizons and adventures are before you…revel in them!
Sally in Stockton
Tried to post yesterday but it didn’t take. So here I try again: I will never tire of stories of Buck Moss: master of that amazingly intense cross-species love: passionate, jealous, possessive, demanding, self-respecting, tender and vulnerable lover of Mary Ann Moss. That kind of love can never die. You are marked for life, Mary Ann, and will always be richer for it!! I know the pain of the physical parting cuts deep and I pray in time you will take comfort and joy in what remains in your heart, your memories and the spiritual bond that endures beyond all imaginings. I hold you and your best boy in my heart and I am so glad that “you just couldn’t help yourself”. Have a great journey!!!
have a safe and healing trip….bet you see little signs of Buck as you travel….. 🙂
missy from the bayou
I’ve got four little canisters of ashes on…my bedroom dresser. Quite comforting. Like you, at some point I will work them into a memory garden, but not yet. Safe travels. 🙂
wishing you sights and marvels to ease your thoughts of mr. buck. catnip above him every day…you’re a thoughtful lady ms. mary ann
safe safe but adventurous travels to you!
Have a wonderful trip! Looking forward to seeing and hearing of your adventures.
Such a grand tribute to Buck Moss … your Budapest travel journal. He would have liked that, sitting there on the first page, in charge, in control, finally having what he longed for; your undivided attention. Safe and joyful journey, Mary Ann. May Buda and Pest welcome you and your wonderful energy with open arms. May you return with a full and somewhat healed heart. Donna
Buck was a beautiful cat. He was blessed to have such a loving home as were you to share his life. We suffered the loss of our snowball 2 weeks ago. It’s hard for a 3 year old to understand the finality of death. He keeps asking, “When will the animal hospital have him fixed?” We have adopted a new kitty who needed a home. You are right…life must march on, but we will never forget. Have a fabulous trip!
seriously lovely yummie philosophy of life you have there.
I really like knowing you.
I think that it was a gift of timing that you were still home to be able to be with Buck when this happened. A blessing to both of you, I think.
And perfect timing for this wonderful trip to Budapest! All new things to see, and a time to heal. As you say, life goes on, and life is truely wonderful!
Honestly I think that even when great new things are found in life, nothing we love is ever really lost … Buck is all over Moss Cottage, and even more, always in your heart.
I love this quote: “Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.” — Dr. Seuss said that 🙂
Happy travels, Mary Ann!
Wishing you nothing but happiness and warmth surrounding you as you fly with the angels, including, of a certainty, Monsieur Buck. Salud – and looking forward to girl reporting.
I’m so happy you’ll have his ashes; I have some from my much loves whippet and it means so much to me to know that there is part of him still around. I’m sure you’ll feel the same about Buck.
You deserve all the love and support you are getting. It is a small return for all the joy and pleasure you have given so many people through your blog and your classes.
Have a wonderful time in Budapest, and take a little bit of Buck fur with you.
Traveling mercies! Be safe and enjoy!
Mary Dean (Chimp-in-training)
May this lovely journey sweep away all the fears and sadness and replace them with bouyant memories of the spirit of Buck, who surely would have loved to explore the strange new scents and sounds of Hungary!
I have so many stories of my own beloved pets from over the years. It is hard to let go but something new fills the void. You’ll see. And knowing you, it will be wonderful. Safe travels. Looking forward to all your wonderful posts. ENJOY!
such safe travels to you…. remember, buck is with you. He always will be. xo hugs bonitarose in Fargo xo
You go–girl reporter! You are a lovely, graceful person.
Have a safe trip. I love your garden idea to remember Buck.
Thinking of you!
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved friend. The connections we make with our furry companions runs deep, as does our grief at their loss. I just wanted to wish you an amazing and replenishing time in Budapest. I was there ten years ago for two weeks…my daughter was married there, up on the edge of the cliff in the old castle district, overlooking the Danube…the makings of a fairy tell wedding to be sure. The city struck me as an interesting blend of the fairy tale magical, the historically fascinating and post modern industrial! I loved it! Bon Voyage!!
I love all the pictures and stories about Buck……….I think my favorite picture is the one of his yoga pose while you were making fried chicken….I hope your trip helps you move on a bit and I agree that Buck will be watching you from his first class seat in heaven.
Looking forward to more posts as you travel to Budapest!!! Ruth.
have a safe and glorious trip Mary Ann…xoxo
Sadness and Joy. Tears and Laughter. Deep breath. Onward. It is all about the journey.
So glad you have a fresh experience ahead of you at this moment – Budapest is a wonderful city – and when you get back the posse will have adjusted to the changes in their world. It won’t be the same without Buck, but it will still be good – just a different kind of good.
Very very therapeutic for you to talk about Buck and have him all around you. We made a little picture gallery for JeJe with his remains and his favorite toys on one of the cabinets and it will remain there. I go by and say hi to him everyday and we do talk about him all the time….he has been gone awhile but it was like it was yesterday and probably always will be…… Buck will be waiting for you when you get home from your travels. I hope you have a great time. I started crying when I saw that you had used one of my frames for his picture…..oh dear me. How cool is that….thank you. Travel safe and just have fun despite everything.
I’m glad to hear we have the window seat.
That’s a must.
xo
safe travels, girl reporter. i’m trusting that buck will enjoy his view of budapest, looking at it from heaven and seeing you exploring and taking photos.
you’re so strong to befriend your grief. someone once told me that grief carves out deep furrows in our hearts that allow us to hold more joy in the future. it was hard to hear at the time, but has proven to be the truth that i recognized and found on the other side of the process.
A catmint patch–a purrfect tribute!!
safe travels, girl reporter. buck will finally be able to see budapest from heaven, as you carry him in around your heart.
continuing to hold you close in prayer; glad you are taking your time to befriend this grief, allowing it to shape you and carve your heart with deeper furrows to hold joy in the days and months ahead
Godspeed and safe travels. We will be in your pocket, as always, eager to “see” what you see, eat and laugh and wonder at what you discover. I like that there is Buck Moss fur in this pocket—it’s soft and cozy and makes this nest nicely padded. I love the catnip patch memorial. You are truly a great and wise cat mama.
Happy trails.
XO
Your Budapest journal is gorgeous. It is inspiring me to make a similar book for myself. thanks for the sweet photos of Buck. have a wonderful trip.
Thank you for continuing to share stories of Buck. They are lovely and I bet especially lovely to all of us lucky enough to have cats in our lives. We just nod our heads in agreement to your descriptions of Bucks hi-jinks. I hope your trip is wonderful. Safe travels.
Wishing you a wonderful, restorative trip.
Safe travels.
‘Have a safe and fun trip! I am already looking forward to the fabulous journal entries yet to come! I hope that your trip rewards you with wonderful memories and brings your heart some healing. Everyone here in blogland wishes you the best on your newest adventure!!
Those pictures of Buck are precious! I’ve got to start taking even more pics of my “babies”. I’m sure Wyatt misses Buck. I think we humans underestimate the emotional life of animals.
When my ex-husband and, I separated and I moved, out his cat Spike (who loved me most), prowled around the house looking for me and crying. Then he would poop on the ex’s pillow. Well done, Spike!
Have a wonderful trip!
xoxo
deborah
Wishing you such fun on your travels and so looking forward to the contents of your journal.
Yep – that’s the way of life. In my family, we still have apocryphal stories of Princess, our old girl who lived to be 21, Olive, the feral cat who loved only us and hated men, and the sisters – Jamie and Joey. They’ve all been gone for a while, but they still end up in day-to-day conversation. Happily, the spirit of Buck will be right there for your famous stories, too!